Diesel has hit $4.16 per gallon as a national average, causing food prices to rise even more than they already have over the past year. But we need to ignore this little inconvenience, as only through being positive can we make this robust recovery a reality. And of course our government is helping us by not figuring the price of food and energy into the rate of inflation.
Well I guess we all need to do our part. I have developed a little system that works quite well and will share it with you as I feel it is my civic duty to do so. Every six hours, go into the bathroom, and pretend to defecate. This will make your stomach think it has eaten. Of course do not apply this technique for more than two weeks or you could die.
Another angle I have been thinking about with summer closing in is lawn clippings. If you think about it we waste a lot of good food, and we could actually afford more tax breaks for the top 1% if we would all start eating lawn clippings.
I know there are going to be some people out there who say they don’t want to eat lawn clippings. Well you are selfish. Don’t you realize that if we all just tighten our belts a little more, the elite who create all the jobs could have mag wheels put on their jets?
I mean these are our elite. Do we really want them looking shoddy when they go to Switzerland to hang out with the other elite from around the world? Do we want poor people from other countries to be boasting right out in the open that they sacrifice more for their elite than we do for ours?
Before you laugh, take a minute and think about how our lives would be without our elite, no one to look down on us and call us ignorant and lazy. And how would you like it if there was no one left to order the police to taze you until you defecate on yourself? Oh, the humanity.
Well I guess we’ve come full circle so I’ll end this article by asking all my brothers and sisters to take a moment and consider the plight of the elite while you are defecating lawn clippings.
God bless this Republic, death to the international corporate mafia, we shall prevail.