Crazy Uncle Michael

B’Man’s Revolt

Crazy Uncle Michael

Crazy Uncle Michael’s come to our place to stay
To help us with the chores, but he’s mainly in the way.
He’s ‘sposed to keep the fences fixed and furrin’ things outside,
But he complained how hard it was before he even tried.
Still there’s somethin’ that he’s good at that us young ‘uns found:
When it reaches time for bed, we all gather ’round
A-list’nin’ to the spooky things that Michael tells about,
An’ Osama’s gonna git you
Ef you

He tol’ us when he come that one of his specialties
Was makin’ preparations for the biggest emergencies,
But then we had a fearsome storm, and forgettin’ what he said,
Even after it had passed, he cowered ‘neath a bed.
Talkin’, after all, was the one thing he did well,
And he always finds an audience after night has fell.
We can’t resist the scary stories that he parcels out,
An’ Osama’s gonna git you
Ef you

Michael loves to scarify and seldom to enlighten us,
And just to show his face is all he ever needs to frighten us.
With eyes that’s sunk real deep into a little narrow head,
Ef he didn’t move his mouth you’d think that he was dead.
But he sure does talk at night. He almost casts a spell
With a voice and with a look like somethin’ out of hell.
He makes it sound so awful real that we have little doubt
That Osama’s gonna git us
Ef we

There’s somethin’ truly strange that I heard the other day:
Michael really ain’t our uncle, but what they wouldn’t say.
He’s got Daddy thinkin’ that he’s deeply in his debt
For somethin’ really monsterous that Michael can’t forget.
It’s ’bout a thing he says that happened long ago,
And no matter what we pay, he says we’ll always owe.
And that is what this warning’s always been about:
That Osama’s going to get us
If we

David Martin

Let us hope James Whitcomb Riley will not be too greatly disturbed in his grave for the liberties that I have taken with his classic, “Little Orphant Annie” (which was also the inspiration for the comic strip, Little Orphan Annie.).

(updated with permission of the author)

Original poem found here:

Video by BuelahMan

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