Jobs Available to Americans!

Goon Squad – by Greg Bacon

Nutritional Science Expert: Don’t get too excited by the name, since it’s just a job working for a corporate monolith called “McDonald’s.” The hours are shitty, the pay is lousy and you’ll end your shift smelling like greasy hamburgers that don’t contain any ham or beef, just horse meat and sawdust.
But just think of the upside! If this is your first job, you’ll get a good education in what jobs in the real world are like;

Working for some faceless overlord who pays you pennies while they’re raking in billions. If you’re over 50 and just started working at this mind-numbing outfit, that means your good paying job that had decent benefits got ‘outsourced’ to India or Bangladesh or China. Thank your other faceless overlords, the ‘always open for business’ brothel known as Congress for shipping your job overseas.  

McDonald’s is where many SUBWAY male employees wind up, because they started feeling so inadequate at SUBWAY handling 12″ pieces of meat.

Customer Interaction Specialist: Another job that sounds much better than it is, working for that other corporate monolith, Wal Mart. Do I need to repeat that the hours are shitty, the pay is lousy, but at least you won’t end up smelling like greasy hamburgers when your boring as hell shift is done, you’ll smell like burnt toast, because that’s what your brain turns into after one day on the job.

Did I say job? Scratch that, working in a bottomless pit mining ore with some 300 pound gorilla cracking the whip on yer back while you breathe contaminated air and worry constantly if you’ll go home alive is a job. Come to think of it, that does sound like working at Wal Mart.

But don’t blame the owners, the Walton gang of Arkansas. They’re just multi-billionaires with a shitload of expensive toys, luxury cars, fab homes, private jets and bought for politicians, so they need ALL the money in the world to get by, so STFU and get back to stuffing all that cheap ass shit from China on the shelves for your customers to buy, who then go home and bitch that there’s no good jobs around.

But don’t despair! Wal Mart pays so poorly that many of its employees are eligible for government aid, so get down to the AFDWC office today!

What you’ll feel like after your first week at Wal Mart. No, you’re not the one dressed in black, that’s one of the Waltons

 photo Waldoprisonbitch_zpscd83e54c.jpg

Prostitute: Good pay, you set your own hours and you get to retire early! The downside is that you’ll probably catch an antibiotic resistant STD, get your head smashed in by some psychotic ‘john’ and have to pay a healthy portion of your wages to the local police so they don’t bust yer ass. The cops will also demand ‘freebies’ that you can’t say no to, unless you want a psychotic ‘john’ in uniform to bust in yer head, then get tossed in jail on trumped up charges.

Another downside is that due to the economic ‘downsizing’ going on since the planned implosion of the economy by our buds at the FED and those ‘Too Big to Fail’ Wall Street banks, the field is crowded. So crowded that you’ll probably run into your working daughter or son, one of whom got fired from McDonald’s and the other from Wal Mart. Maybe even run into your husband, whose supposed to be out ‘drinking beer and playing poker’ with his buds.

He’s playing ‘poker’ for sure.

Therapeutic Supply Distributor: Don’t be fooled by the fancy sounding name, you’re just a drug dealer. If you don’t mind living in a state of paranoia, constantly peeping out your windows, looking for cop cars, then this job is for you!

You set your own hours, which means you’ll be working 24/7, since your ‘clients’ that are into coke or meth will demand their drug of choice at 3 am and you better be ready to serve them, unless you want some whacked out meth head breaking into your house, searching for your stash.

The pay is great, which is good, because you need lots of loot to pay off the police, the DA, a neighbor or two and keep a lawyer on retainer to bust you out of jail.

Another upside is that thanks to the government’s never-ending ‘War on Drugs,’ and the ‘War on Terror’ there’s a shitload of cocaine and heroin available at decent prices. Also marijuana, but keeping several pounds of ‘skunk’ weed around the house is somewhat dangerous, since the entire place starts smelling like Cheech and Chong live in the basement.

If or when you do get busted, you’ll spend the next 10 years of your life getting very familiar with the ins and outs of the federal prison system. Mostly the ‘ins’ as some 350 pound homicidal maniac will make you his ‘bitch’ and treat you to anal sex every night, whether you want to or not.

Televangelist: Now we’re talking, since this is possibly the best paying job around and the money you rake in is TAX FREE! You can preach hellfire and damnation 24/7 over the radio, but using the TV is preferred, since Americans are known to spend hours and hours watching the boob tube, even going so far as to click thru the channels, endlessly searching the TV for something they can relate to and make their life meaningful and that’s where you come in!

Be sure to ally yourself with Israel, and pound the Bible about some silly shit that if you hate Israel, you hate Jews, which means you hate G-d and are going to hell forever and ever, and the loot will start arriving in dump trucks.

Also, remind your flock that the ‘Rapture’s almost here, so they need to get on the right side of G-d by giving you even more money and they’ll clean out their bank accounts, give it to you in the hopes they get to a fairy tale land called ‘Heaven.’

 photo Godfearin_zps04181d84.jpg

Holocau$t Reparations Swindler: Quite possibly the greatest job in the world, since it involves no actual work, but you must be skilled in fleecing the GOYIM. All you need to be is a manipulative, lying, thieving con artist who has no sense of shame, but remember, you’re a Jew and as such, you get to rob the Gentiles blind because a G-d, created by other Jew con artists, commands you to do so!

Beware of the pitfalls, like HeLie Weasel found out that you don’t invest your loot with another Jew con artist, a mistake that cost Mr. Weasel 20 mil.

Since this job category is a blog unto itself, which is fodder for another day, if we’re all still on the planet that hasn’t been vaporized by Israel getting its bitch the USSA, to start WWIII.

16 thoughts on “Jobs Available to Americans!

    1. Sun I disagree,I learned to fix stuff .Each and everyone of us has a knack for somthing ,Like I told my son Josh “follow your passion” a job is more than just an existance and you shouldnt DREAD going in.It does not matter what you choose to do as long as you do it to the best of your abilities you will prosper.Now maybe I have a different definition of prosper than you but here goes.I live my life on my terms, am no mans wage slave I do honest work at a fair price usually half of what dealerships and company garages charge.Im not piling up money by no means but witha little effort and a lot of FAITH I am doing okay,for example I was gonna gather wild mushrooms(morrels) today but its drizzely so ill go tommorrow or the next day,I have a yard full of work(cars trks) a tractor up the road needing PTO shaft bearings another in town needing a clutch.The point im trying to make is if we all dropped out of the tax the sheeple system it would go belly up.Now I realize most folks are scared and dont have enough faith in their creator to trust HIS word assuring his flock that He would take care of all their needs,now like ol “bartles the question guy” says “Im an ignoramous” and that might be true as I am ignorant to a whole lot of knowledge but unlike stupid ,ignorance can be cured with knowledge and truth supported by facts.I wouldnt reccomend my life to the ones with a slave mentality but for all seekers of FREEDOM ,come out of their system of corruption and get on the “ROAD LESS TRAVELED” for true peace and freedom.

  1. people complaining about no work? tssss! what a for prison guards in my paper.the FBI’s hiring.the 21y/o girl at the grocer is going to be a probation officer.other neighbors have 501c3’s-you can get a lot of federal cash that guy makes parts for drones.another works at a robot co.-they got a “killer”military contract.also ads for military relocation experts.what about just joining the military.or if you’re a pansy I see a lot of enviro’s making big shekels as “facilitators”.the NSA is hiring for their new facility……………not to worry comrades.

    1. miyoga “prison” for profit and the military ind. complex are the cancers eating the soul out of america.We need MANUFACTURING jobs not tax feeder subsidies.With 5% of the worlds population how in the name of sanity can we have 25% of the worlds incarcerated and spend more on DEATH AND DESTRUCTION than all other countries COMBINED get rid of this plague of death and start endorsing life,liberty and pursuit of happiness(property) would go a long way in rebuilding what this country once stood for.

    2. Sounds like you are all for supporting state and federal jobs – prison guards, military, yea I bet you would support the bastards that take a job at the DHS etc. Too bad you aren`t makeing license plates in some prison, miyoga. If I hear and understand you right, then you suck miyoga

        1. No prob.s. miyoga. I am sorry if I sound kind of harsh. I grew up hard with out any sence of humor and the little bit of humor that I did have the PTB stole it from me back in the 60`s. Again miyoga I am sorry for being so critical of that statement – I should be as such with myself as I was with you.

          1. hey digger,I just need to talk some.hope this doesn’t carry on 2 far.
            the way I see it you are a man of your conviction.Like so few you saw it-the devil in the gray,hidden but didn’t run to pleasures of the self, the lithium of numbness.You upheld your contempt of evil and carried it as a cross to educate others.And for the most part they stared past you-some even laughed.But now many join you.And more to come as the laser dot of oppression tracks their every step.Thanks to you, the posters here Henry and his family.JD,Bill,Dave too.As far as truth, dudes like you were”country when country wasn’t cool”.That takes a lot of……how do they say in Ireland? chutzpah! Thanks bro.

          2. Miyoga, “chutzpah” is a j-w word that means outrageously outrageous and is what they are famous for outrageous behaviour with no (human emotion) involved.

          3. Chutzpah is when a ‘jew’ teenager murders his parents, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he’s now an orphan.

          4. Hey #1 that sounds outrageously outrageous LOL
            I wonder how us Irish got involved. Have you ever heard the joke about “still believing in leprechauns?

          5. I read that somewhere. Best explanation of that concept I’ve seen so far.

            As for the Irish thing, how odd. I just happen to be wearing my Dublin t-shirt today. 🙂

          6. Steve- look at Bloomberg-put a green hat on him and a clay pipe-gimme my goooold! how about max Keiser? seriously-I haven’t researched it but I think Deanna Spignola was talking about a Khazar connection to the Celts-I don’t know. Any help here?
            I guess chutzpah isn’t really applicable to you all then- does sound funny though.
            I was reading an Israel rag about a year ago & they were complaining about taxes in the comment section. Then I got to one post and cracked up. The guy said OY! I want to know where all my tax shekels are going!
            thanks to the Talmud money changers one thing is a universal given
            Death and Taxes

          7. Miyoga,Im kinda slow and you lost me with the bloomberg thing hes a crazy j-w not irish.As for max keiser and stacy herbert,hes one of my favorites to watch as he really gets wound up at the bankers(some around here get wound up over seditionists) Did you know him and Stacy are engaged they make a great couple she’s so sweet and smart and Max is just balls to the walls against those greedy banksters.Oh yea one more thing Death is the end for all on this rock but I REFUSE to pay taxes and quit 20 some yrs ago and only pay tax on what I FREELY CHOOSE TO BUY but I damn sure wont pay tax on compensation,which is what I trade my labor for as opposed to income where you make money selling or buying property. or products.

    3. they want to build a new $23m jail-but see here we call them lodges-in a county of vote is Trails End Lodge-kinda nice touch.meanwhile yuppie agenda 21 pusher middlemen sell their “sustainable projects to the BOS with the idea of “Eco Tourism”

      AGREED Steve-we need to make or at least grow things.My plea to the county BOS will be “if not logging,promote the small farmer-get us some FOOD-Greenhouses-use wood boiler(EPA)in winter.
      put unemployed in as staff.

Join the Conversation

Your email address will not be published.