Jolly Roger for President

I am hereby announcing my candidacy for the office of the President of the United States in the 2020 election. On the campaign trail I’ll be wearing silver armor, riding on a white horse, and I’ll make every promise that you want to hear. I’ll behave in a very presidential manner, try not to grope anyone when cameras are watching, and of course, make the prerequisite trip to Israel.

I promise the invasion will end, the money will flow, and the American worker will make twice the salary in half the hours. The poor will be rich, the rich will be hanged, freedom, wealth, and justice will be restored, and world peace realized. Someone already used the “chicken in every pot” thing, or I’d promise that too.  

Why should you vote for me? Because you’re an idiot who believes whatever he’s told, and no one shovels bullshit better than a writer. That’s my one and only qualification for the job; I can lay down the horse hockey better than my opposition, and with your financial help, we’ll hire the best advertising agency in America to drum our deliverance of Utopia deep into the thick heads of the mindless masses.

It doesn’t matter what we promise the fools, because they’ll forget all about it in three weeks, or two cases of beer, whichever comes first. After I’m elected we’ll all get rich, and I’ll find a golf course to hide out on while I await further orders. We’ll just have to keep Air Force One fueled up in case the idiots wake up.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Americans will continue to become homeless and hungry, but I’ll be rich, so what the hell, right? If they’re dumb enough to be so easily fleeced, don’t they deserve to be fleeced?

Criminals and rich people think that way because it assuages their guilt. You’re being treated like a useless eater, because you’re behaving like one. Do you deserve the respect you’re asking for? What are you going to do when our “government” officially announces that “you don’t matter anymore, so just shut up and starve”?

In their eyes you happen to be a useless eater who’s eating too much, while standing in the way of the theft of this country, and the installation of a slave population with a whole new set of American dreams that don’t include you.

By now, even the most enthusiastic Trump supporter has to have realized that he’s been played for a fool once again, but if you’re still carrying the torch for the man, stop here and go find a comic book to read. You’re not worth talking to, because you’d rather cling to a comforting fiction than logically assess a disturbing reality.

The reality (one of many) that you refuse to accept is that it doesn’t matter who the president is. If you did accept that reality, as an American, a whole new set of responsibilities is dropped in your lap, so it’s a lot more comforting to believing that someday, a politician will actually work for the American people. What if it were all just a show for your entertainment and distraction while your country were being sold from under your feet, and a slave population was invited across the southern border, possibly to violently assist with your removal from a country that was once yours?

I understand why most humans will cling to any leader who promises hope, but when they fall for the same trick every four years, demand no accountability for the endless theft and lies, and continuously find ways to deny reality, you have to come to the conclusion that they’re going to keep denying reality for as long as they can get away with it.

Of course, by then it will be too late for most of them. They’re being attacked, and victory demands preparation. Evidence of a mass awakening is a good reason to crash the economy, because that will make preparation impossible for many.

Meanwhile, back on the campaign trail, a squadron of geeks is polling the population to see how they feel. They’re triggered by the responses, but really have no clue how the majority of the population feels, because the majority wants nothing to do with their stupid poll. They remain completely out of touch with the American people, so they proceed as if they still had everyone fooled. Their arrogance and derision for Americans becomes more obvious with each passing day, and record numbers of guns are sold. It’s time to top off the tank in Air force One. They’re starting to notice that from president to president, and promise to promise, the policy hasn’t changed in decades. Only the rhetoric changes, while the illusion of dissent between the parties is maintained by crimes and misdeeds being exposed in the press that no one is ever punished for.

Back in the real world, the invasion over our southern border proceeds, more and more of our country is sold to foreigners, and the resource wealth continues to be stolen at a record pace, regardless of who holds what office.

We’ve been sold down the river by a rouge “government”, whose only objective is to loot the country before they flee, and watch our nation’s violent death from a safe distance. There’s a real competition for political offices, but there is no real dissent as far as we’re concerned. No politician genuinely cares what the American people think, or want. Their job is to pretend they care, so the theft can continue while the distracted population clings to the illusion.

I’m done with trying to shatter the illusion for people who are afraid to abandon it, so I’ve decided to join the illusion by being your next bullshit shoveler in chief, but since I sincerely doubt that the Rothschilds will let me write my own speeches, you won’t even get genuine bullshit from your next president, but something even less than that.   — Jolly Roger

“There will be no amnesty”   — Donald Trump 

because it doesn’t matter who wins 

21 thoughts on “Jolly Roger for President

  1. I nominate myself as Vice Predatorential candid date.

    While ur dealing with the hard issues.

    I’ll roam the White Houses …and Capitol estate.

    Groping… Women…Children. ..and maybe a few cute young looking dudes too..!


    Any port in the storm.

    Plus I haven’t lost my moral compass.

  2. Dear Future Prez, it would be my honor to have any position in your cabinet. I will serve loyally and at the same time keep an eye on your vice president in case he attempts to supplant you. I could be wrong, but he has shown presidential tendencies, in that he repeatedly resorts to the play-on-words strategy, and to using exaggerated and side-splitting humor. Some analysts have asserted, that this is an ultra sophisticated method of exposing corruption. I guess I would have to agree. But also, he spends an inordinate amount of time on the roof, and his extracurricular activities have raised more than one eye-brow. Nevertheless, he frequently wins the popular vote and the people look to him for insights and opinions that no other mind can muster.

    That said, I’m glad you have thrown your name in the hat. You have a scathing track-record of truth-speak and quick solutions. It’s very likely we’ll see a landslide.

    Yours Truly,
    Oprah O’Donnell


    1. before you volunteer for any cabinet positions, you should know that for reasons of national security, we’ll be turning the White House into a nudist colony.

      1. LOL… I was too intelligent to volunteer for the military, intelligent ENOUGH to dodge the draft altogether (never registered), so you you can be DAMN SURE I’m not yet senile enough to volunteer for ANYTHING these days, JR 🙂

      2. Dear Candidate Roger,

        I have a fairly good understanding of which particular group of people is likely to have proposed this policy and is enforcing it vigorously, so I cannot align myself with this directive.

        Therefore, please accept my resignation. Unless, as Head Honcho, you throw the bastards out and we get to dress as we choose.

        I guess The White House is not a good environment for those who are UNTAMABLE.


  3. You people r killin me….

    Okay then….

    Hold my ballz to the wailing wall.

    “There will be no amnesty”!

    and spellchecker. !!!

    Man its beautiful here today…

    Clear…no trails…my solar panels are kick the boze system cranking in the perimeter.

    Sippin vodka. ..smoking weed and building sht.

    Just put in my dead boltz in the front door.

    Now off to sealing up the inside from varmits and these goddamunt bugs that are coming out already.

    My back finally doesn’t feel like a kidney punch and field goal to my chesticles.

    I’m on light duty…

    Heck I might dare to even pull off all my tools and nails off the roof that have been sitting up there for a couple weeks now when I fell off.

    Hope your day is going well.


  4. I hereby announce my availability for the appointment of Secretary of state. I promise to conduct business on my own personal computer and secret servers to ensure that Israel has every detail the inner workings of the American government, through Microsoft’s back door cookies.

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