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Least Masculine Society In Human History Decides Masculinity Is A Growing Threat

Babylon Bee [Satire]

U.S.—As society becomes increasingly dominated by nerds, hipsters, and computer programmers, people have fixated on what they think is our biggest problem: masculinity.

“It’s just toxic and causes nothing but problems,” said Elisha Mcewen, a vegan activist and no threat whatsoever to spiders or tight jar lids. “I was sharing my feelings on masculinity with other men in my drum circle, and we all agreed that if we ever encountered masculinity, we would run far away.” 

Masculinity is said to have in the past been the cause of such things as violence, war, bullying, defeating the Nazis, carving society out of untamed wilderness, and landing men on the moon, but now masculinity is being driven out of society to make sure nothing like those things ever happens again. However, there are reports that masculinity still lurks out there, which is a source of anxiety to modern men and causes them to have upset tummies.

“I am just so worried that somewhere out there someone is still knowingly producing testosterone,” said Wyatt Lockhart, a Twitch streamer who had never thrown a punch outside of a video game. “I constantly have to find a safe place to calm down just thinking about it.”

Duke Miller, a Marine sergeant and one of the few remaining examples of traditional masculinity, was asked about his feelings on the negative view of masculinity, but he seemed confused by the word “feelings” and then punched out an elk just because.

https://babylonbee.com/news/least-masculine-society-in-human-history-decides-masculinity-is-a-growing-threat

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5 Responses to Least Masculine Society In Human History Decides Masculinity Is A Growing Threat

  1. mary in tx says:

    ‘drum circle’? typo? thinking ….’dumb circle’

    ‘ but now masculinity is being driven out of society to make sure nothing like those things ever happens again’………. and being replaced with what? radical man hating lesbians? NO THANKS

    yes I got that this is satire but my reply is not 🙂

  2. KOYOTE says:

    “It’s just toxic and causes nothing but problems,” said Elisha Mcewen, a vegan activist and no threat whatsoever to spiders or tight jar lids. “I was sharing my feelings on masculinity with other men in my drum circle, and we all agreed that if we ever encountered masculinity, we would run far away.”
    JILLS PETTING FOR MY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY MUST HAVE AFFECTED MY VISION. I AM NOT REALLY READING THIS, AM I???
    I MET A FEW WEIRDOS THAT WERE ALMOST THIS BAD WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN……. THEY REALLY DID AVOID OUR LITTLE CLIQUE LIKE THE PLAGUE.IT USUALLY CONSISTED OF LITTLE ASSHOLES THAT WERE DETERMINED TO BE LITTLE SHITS CLINGING TO CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR……. NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE BULLIED THEM INTO BECOMING SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE.
    WHILE DEMANDING THAT WE “RESPECT THEIR RIGHTS”, THEY WERE COMMITTING OVERT CRIMINAL ACTS AGAINST OUR PEOPLE DAILY. MANY WOUND UP WEIGHTED AND DUMPED IN AMITE RIVER FOR THEIR CRIMES. ESPECIALLY AGAINST CHILDREN…………..

    • KOYOTE says:

      AND ALSO, I HAVE NO REGRETS FOR THESE ACTIONS THAT I TOOK IN MY YOUNGER YEARS. THE SINS COMMITTED WERE REPENTED OF, BUT NOT REGRETTED. … IF I HAD IT TO DO OVER AGAIN, I WOULD CHANGE NOTHING OF MYSELF.
      ITS GOOD TO KNOW WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED………….AND
      AS DADDY USED TO SAY, “SON, NEVER EAT DEEP WATER CATFISH”.
      “ESPECIALLY WHEN CAUGHT UNDER A BRIDGE”.

  3. # 1 NWO Hatr says:

    “Masculinity is said to have in the past been the cause of such things as violence, war, bullying, defeating the Nazis, carving society out of untamed wilderness, and landing men on the moon,…”

    For that last… you get the middle finger.

    Crock o’ sh#t.

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