No Information Found on CNN

boro-cnn-580.pngThe New Yorker – by ANDY BOROWITZ

BOSTON (The Borowitz Report)—Authorities who have spent the past forty-eight hours combing CNN in the hopes of finding any information whatsoever have called off their search, they confirmed today.

“After monitoring every minute of CNN’s broadcast since Monday, we have found hearsay, rumors, falsehoods, and a steady stream of inane commentary,” one authority said. “Everything but information.”  

The announcement was the second black eye today for CNN, which earlier in the afternoon recanted all of its reporting dating back to mid-2009.

Newly installed CNN chief Jeff Zucker acknowledged that the network had experienced “a rough patch” since he took over earlier this year, but added, “At least no one was watching.”

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/04/no-information-found-on-cnn.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(108)

10 thoughts on “No Information Found on CNN

  1. Now the “authorities” (might they be the alphabet soup agencies?) know exactly how the viewing public feels and why it is the MSM are losing viewers and revenue.

    . . .

  2. “CNN…earlier in the afternoon recanted all of its reporting dating back to mid-2009.”

    ROFLMAO. I understand crow tastes like $hit.

    1. Crow really does taste like shit!
      On a side note, MSNBC is equally phoney! But I’m enjoying watching Scarborough and company squirm and cry like little girls over the senate defeat on background checks. It appears that on MSNBC this morning that there is no other news except the “cowardly senators” defeating the bill. And Joey is trotting out all the phoney polls showing that congress defied the american people. LOL!

      1. Yes, I’m up watching and enjoying. They say they just can’t understand it. I think I do. The ones who voted against it, know the true numbers and are suffering from a malady known as hempropephobia. 🙂

        1. ROTFLMMFAO!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
          Thanks Henry I needed that!
          “hempropephobia”
          Thats becoming contagious!

  3. Funny how everyone else found plenty of info, but of course, the “authorities” are stumped because they’re going to try to concoct a story that makes sense, and that takes them time.

    ” ’tis a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive” — the bard

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