Texas Weighs Ban on Women

borowitz-texas-women-ban.jpgNew Yorker – by ANDY BOROWITZ [Satire]

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Republican lawmakers in the Texas State Senate are proposing a precedent-setting new bill that would make it illegal for women to live in the state.

Senator Harland Dorrinson, one of the many pro-life lawmakers backing the woman ban, crafted his bill after witnessing Senator Wendy Davis filibuster an anti-abortion bill last month.  

“That was our moment to say, ‘Enough is enough,’ ” he said. “This comes down to a choice between life and women, and we choose life.”

Senator Dorrinson said his bill would call for a twenty-foot woman-proof fence to be constructed along the borders of the state.

“Women are great at talking, but not at climbing,” he observed.

But another G.O.P. state senator, Cal Jamson, believes that the total ban on women goes “too far” and is proposing a less draconian bill that would allow some women to remain in the state as guest workers.

“Texas needs women to cook, clean, and cheerlead,” he said. “If they show that they can do those things and stay out of politics, there could be a pathway to citizenship.”

 

Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/07/texas-weighs-ban-on-women.html

 

24 thoughts on “Texas Weighs Ban on Women

  1. This makes me LOL.,Big time! In fact, I did. Sounds like big-time “bull**t propaganda to me. Go ahead………fall for it! Anything to stay away from the real problems(Federal Reserve, Wars, Bengazi, Iraq slaughter, Libyan President execution, etc, etc). Can’t wait to see Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber sharing the stage for a Presidential Performance at “Her Majesties Request”. Wonder what that one will cost the taxpayers. $100,000,000. , maybe? Yup, look this way. Damn, I’m still laughing.

    1. Yes, ROFL…”This comes down to a choice between life and women, and we choose life.” Well gentlemen, how exactly do you think you are going to do that without women?

      1. You totally miss the point. I would not enjoy life without women. I’m saying, this a distraction from the real problems. Good try on your part, though. I think we can agree, either Dorrinson loves to masterbate or he just loves men???? Not bashing sexual orientation here. It is merely an effort to not solve the real problems and pretend that he is worthy of…………something???(doing his job?). Wish I had a job all I had to do was talk S*IT. But, alas, I like making progress.

        1. Of course it’s a distraction. I was playing along… 😉
          At the same time, what they are doing is a very serious issue for women living in TX.

  2. Is the a satirical story meant as a metaphor for how disconnected politicians tend to be from society?

  3. LOL. This one had me cracking up. I’ve come across so little comic relief lately that this one was a real find. 🙂

        1. Have you read about “Tampon-gate”?
          Before spectators could enter the TX capital to view the final vote yesterday, troopers confiscated tampons, Maxi-Pads/Depends pads, diabetic supplies, etc., as dangerous projectiles.

  4. Is this satire? WTF? Will they be emptying out Hooters and get rid of the ladies of the night as my mother calls them?
    Angel maybe they are going to grow bablies like in the Matrix?
    Too strange for words but I’m laughing.

  5. Andy Borowitz is a comedian, and his Borowitz Report is always satire. I’m a little surprised that anyone didn’t get that from the first word.

    That said, I’m reminded of one of my own solutions for the world’s problems. Men, admit it, are overwhelmingly the leaders who create these problems (ignoring exceptions like Janet Napolitano, who takes her orders from men, anyway). My solution is to give women a universal right to vote with their feet, automatic asylum in the country of their choice. Men have to stay put and live with the problems they create; women get to immigrate to wherever they think the men will make life better for them.

    Just think of how fast this would straighten out knuckle-draggers like the Taliban when their women started draining out of the country. When the men of the world have the choice between “clean up your act or no nookie” the world will get better REALLY fast.

    1. IT clearly states SATIRE right after his name. I think we all got it, Tom, we were just having fun with it.

      It’s pretty hard to take the claim of erecting a 20 foot woman proof fence seriously, regardless of how clueless a person may be.

      1. Sorry Tom, I may have spoken too soon, apparently, judging by the next comment.

        I hope she’s just kidding.

        1. Yep #1,
          Thought it was pretty funny TY!
          Like a 20 ft. fence would stop a woman, shovel, spade, spoon, rock, hands….. hehe! 🙂

  6. Stop wasting our tax money you freak, and if you an all boys state we under stand honey if you want a broke back mtn bill. I swear if the guys get Texas, the women get Hawaii by default. No go do some real work as politician instead of being a moron

    1. I think most of us men can remember a woman or two who would be better in an all-woman state where they can’t do any more damage to men. Hawaii is a bit too nice for them, though, maybe give them part of California instead.

      After being in and out of the internet personals for ten years before finding my current gem, I can attest to the fact that a great many women in the personals are there not so much honestly seeking a new partner as they are stalking their next victim. You have to learn to spot them quick to be safe.

Join the Conversation

Your email address will not be published.


*