1. Always keep your gun pointed in a safe direction,
such as at a hippy or a communist.
2. Dumb children may get a hold of your guns and shoot each other.
If your children are dumb, put them up for adoption to protect your guns
3. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.
4. If guns make you nervous, drink a fifth of whiskey before heading to the range.
5. When unholstering your weapon, it is customary to say, “Excuse me
while I whip this out!”
6. Don’t load your gun unless you are ready to shoot something or someone,
or are just feeling generally angry.
7. If your gun mis-fires, never look down the barrel to inspect it. Have someone else do that for you.
8. Never use your gun to pistol-whip someone. This could mar the finish.
9. No matter how excited you are about buying your first gun, do not run
around yelling, “I have a gun! I have a gun!”
10. And the most important rule of gun safety: Don’t piss me off!