US Gold Reserves Stolen from Ft. Knox

Armed terrorists descended on Ft. Knox earlier this afternoon and got away with the US gold reserves, as Germany and Texas cried foul.  Apparently a bunch of that gold in Ft. Knox was theirs.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney spoke on the theft at a White House news briefing.  Carney said, “The Germans and the goddamn Texans will just have to get their money back from the terrorists who stole it.”  

He then identified the culprits as being fifteen white supremacists who were speaking Iranian and wearing North Korean combat uniforms.

Update: Obama announces a no-fly zone over Syria and Kentucky.  I know what you are asking.  Why Syria?  Well, why Iraq?

Update: CIA Director, John Brennan, orders assassinations by drone to be carried out in Ohio in retaliation for Amish support of terrorism by wearing beards.

Update: Gold reserves found, apparently abandoned by the terrorists.

Update: Ben Bernanke denies that recovered bars are not gold but rather tungsten bars painted with that cheap yellow paint you get at Wal-Mart.

Update: Tungsten and/or gold returned to Ft. Knox.  All’s well that ends well.

God bless the Republic, death to the international corporate mafia, we shall prevail.

18 thoughts on “US Gold Reserves Stolen from Ft. Knox

  1. Henry,
    Ya know, its the damnedest thing, some guys wearing masks cleaned out my safe this morning too, took every last one of my guns, one guy was like a safe cracker or something, told me not to tell the cops if i wanted to live!
    Must have been the same terrorists!

    1. Come on everyone, we all know that Rick Perry and his Transexual Nazi Eskimos cleaned out Fort Knox before he started running for president in 2012. It was the only way he could keep his campaign going for so long.

        1. LOL! I actually got that line from Weird Al Yankovic’s song, “Trigger Happy” which is found on his Amish Paradise Album.

    2. it was it was empty when France showed up in a battle ship wanting France’s gold , so Nixon spent it on the moon stuff i guess , why haven’t we been back to the moon ? maybe because they cant put the bill onto the rest of the world .

  2. BAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA!!!

    Now that’s what I call GREAT CREATIVE WRITING SKILLS, Henry!

    You should write for the MSM. I hear they are looking for some good writers who can write just like this.

    This is what the world has come down to, people. There’s nothing left to tell in the news to try and get us to go to war with each other and so the MSM tries to use everything they can to connect something that is completely different from something else in order to manipulate and enforce their false propaganda.

    As I commented before on an earlier article, it’s like trying to connect Buddhism with the BAR Association. It seems like Henry pulled my point off nicely and took it to a whole new level. LOL!

    Good article, Henry! That’s my kinda writing style. Creative writing at its best.

  3. “He then identified the culprits as being fifteen white supremacists who were speaking Iranian and wearing North Korean combat uniforms.”

    Now THAT’s comedy! (and creative writing) lol

  4. Henry, this reporting you just did made more sense than the Sandy Hook reporting… Buahahahaha!!!!

  5. just chugging along … surfing the usual news site updates … getting depresseder ‘n depresseder … maybe i should play minesweeper for a coupla hours ‘n clear my brain of the evil in the world …

    then i click to this … hee hee … instant laughter … slowly growing from the belly … deep and true … the best therapy for a tired saddened seeker of some truth in it all … thank you …

    he he he …

    i’m still laughing …

    he he …

    he …

  6. This story sounds as credible as any of the others we hear/read on the MSM. I would have thought that the only thing to be found at Fort Knox would be I.O.U. notes.

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