Me Knuckles, me on the books now!
While you on vacation, my boss, Barack Obama, sign bill, make good holiday cheer for Knuckles!
What better time to sign bill than when whole nation is drunk!
Before, super-secret prison things I do were only legal in presidents’ mind.
Now, they legal on paper, too!
Finally, indefi, indefin– prison forever– is US law, no need for stupid judges or constitutional stuff.
Me used to worry boss Obama would close Gitmo like he promise, but– no worry!
Gitmo open and franchised . . . to Bagram and secret places around globe.
Because military tribunials are much better than sissy civilian courts.
Me not know what that chart just said. You try trick me!
And if you read law just right, it work on US citizens, too!
But don’t worry, because Barack Obama said not to worry!
Goodness gracious, indefinite, preemptive or endless detention surely doesn’t apply to US citizens unless current or future president says so. Don’t you worry a bit.
Me Knuckles, me legi, legitu– legal!