Murphy’s Rules of Combat

Arctic Gunny

• • If the enemy is in range, so are you.
  • If its stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid.

• You are not Superman [ Marines & Fighter Pilots take note ].
• Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
• When in doubt, empty the magazine.
• Never share a fighting hole with someone who is braver than you.
• There is always a way, Thinking of it before you need to is the trick.
• If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
• All 5 second grenade fuses are 3 seconds.
• If the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend.
• It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
• The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
• If your short on everything but enemy, you’re in combat.
• Incoming has right of way.
• Body Count — 4 Pigs + 3 Cows + 1 Enemy = 99 KIA’s.
• No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
• No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.
• Teamwork is essential, it gives them more people to shoot at.
• Tracers work both ways.
• The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
• Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
• Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
• If they’re shooting at you, it’s a high intensity conflict.
• A sucking chest wound is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
• If at first you don’t succeed, call for artillery.
• Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl.
• When artillery doesn’t work, call for an air strike.
• Close only counts in horse shoes, hand gernades, and nukes.
• No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
• Friendly fire — Isn’t.
• The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an 2nd Lieutenant with a map.
• The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
• The buddy system is essential to your survival, it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
• The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
• If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
• If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
• The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
• There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you [ and miss ].
• Don’t be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
• If the Gunny can see you, so can the enemy.
• Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to ‘occupant’.
• All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets — printed at different scales.
• All battles are fought uphill.
• All battles are fought in the rain.
• Logistics is the ball and chain of armoured warfare.
• Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms.
• What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
• A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
• If orders can be misunderstood, they will be.
• War is like love. To triumph, you must make contact.
• Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank.
• Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself.
• Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.
• Tactics are for amateurs; professionals study logistics.
• When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he’s fallen back too far.
• It isn’t necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.
• No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside that of the enemy.
• Always know when it’s time to get out of Dodge.
• Always know how to get out of Dodge.
• Always remember, your equipment was made by he lowest bidder.
• Priorities are made by officers, not God. There’s a difference.
• Always honour a threat.
• The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the length of the time you have been carrying it.
• Hell hath no fury like a liberal non-combatant.
• Fighter pilots make movies; Attack pilots make history.
• There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets.
• A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost.
• Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander.
• All warfare is based on deception.
• A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.
• If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.
• Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
• Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is to cuisine.
• Cold and snow are not neutral.
• The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire.
• Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what cannot be gained and held on a battlefield.
• War is the unfolding of miscalculations.
• Perfect is the enemy of good enough.
• Good enough — Isn’t.
• He who wants do defend everything defends nothing.
• Mine fields are not neutral. They attack anyone.
• The effective radius of a hand grenade is always greater than the distance you can jump.
• The effective radius of a hand grenade is greater then the average grunt can throw it.
• Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
• The mortar team will always have the correct number of safety pins to prove they armed all the rounds.
• To ensure this, the mortar team carries extra pins.
• There is no such thing as a convenient fighting hole.
• Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
• More aircraft are incapacitated by a shortage of spare parts than by enemy action.
• Beer Math — 2 Beers X 12 Grunts equals 49 Cases.
• MURPHY WAS A GRUNT!

Arctic Gunny