The Oscars 2017 Goodie Bags Included a Vagina Fitness Tracker

Allure – by Macaela MacKenzie

It’s no secret that Oscar attendees get mega swag at the awards show every year—the “Everyone Wins” gift bags awarded to all the nominees in the Best Actor and Actress, Best Supporting Actor and Actress, and Best Director categories regularly top six figures in value. But for the Oscars 2017, the nominees reportedly received something money can’t buy…the gift of a healthy vagina.   

According to a report from Yahoo, this year’s gift bag contained the Elvie—a fitness tracker for your lady bits. The device is designed to help you improve your pelvic-floor strength with Kegel workouts (you know, those muscles you’d squeeze to stop peeing and should exercise to keep your core strong and orgasms on point). To use, you pop the pebble-like device in and start squeezing; you can track your progress, get biofeedback in real time, and even plug in to a library of training sessions by connecting to the app. Talk about a personal trainer.

In addition to the Elvie, the goodie bags contained an interesting assortment of gifts, including ChapStick, fine jewelry, freshly harvested pecans, Hydroxycut vitamins, underarm sweat patches, high-end chocolates, and a cellulite massage mat. And then, of course, there are the luxury vacation packages and vouchers for free CPR training.

“At the end of the day, the movie industry is about allowing viewers to escape reality and enter a fantasy world. We hope we do that in some small way for these hard-working nominees,” said Lash Fary, founder of Distinctive Assets, the company that provides the goodie bags. “[We want to] help them relax, unwind, unplug, and indulge after one of the most intensely hectic weeks of their lives.” If working out your Kegels while wearing free diamond jewelry and noshing on fresh pecans isn’t relaxing, we don’t know what is.

5 thoughts on “The Oscars 2017 Goodie Bags Included a Vagina Fitness Tracker

  1. This has got to be someone’s idea of a joke. For a second I thought this was coming from The Onion.

    The designer of this thing is undoubtedly laughing behind the scenes.

    1. It’s real NC and only $199.00 lol!
      Read this and thought, wouldn’t wear a fitbit, let alone try one of these!

      When someone hacks the cloud we’ll know who in hollyweird likes theirs the most Lol! Smh!

  2. I really didnt need that mental picture being sent.. have you looked at some of these people ?

    Friggen gross

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