Hands On with the TSA’s New ‘Enhanced’ Pat-Down Procedure

The Weekly Standard – by John McCormick

Earlier this year, the LA Times reported: “TSA quietly launches new ‘enhanced’ pat-down procedure.” The Times noted that TSA would not describe precisely how the new procedure is different from the old one: “TSA officials declined to detail the new universal procedure or the previous pat-down tactics, but the industry is bracing for passenger unhappiness about more invasive searches.”

For those curious about what the “enhanced” pat-down involves, I had a first-hand experience (no pun intended) Sunday evening September 10 in the Kansas City airport. (This is going exactly where you think it’s going, so feel free to stop reading right now.) 

After going through a metal detector in the TSA-Pre security line, I was randomly selected to see if a machine would detect explosives on my hands. My palms were swabbed and the machine detected explosives, even though I had not recently handled a gun, flammable liquids, or any sort of explosives. Another airline passenger told me the same machine had detected explosives on the hands of another passenger who had gone through the line minutes before I did.

So what precisely does the “enhanced” pat-down seem to entail, you ask?

Well, since you asked, the agent runs his hand inside a passenger’s waistband and also runs his hand up the back of each leg until he “meets resistance” and then does the same from the front of each leg. And then the TSA agent swipes the front of his hands 3 or 4 times right over the zipper area of one’s Gap Outlet comfort-stretch khakis. That last part was the most unpleasant.

For what it’s worth, this isn’t the story of an agent who didn’t know how to do a pat-down. The agent described exactly what he was going to do before he did it and seemed to be simply carrying out the government’s policy. I’m sure he’d like a job that involves less groping.

I’m not a crazy ACLU-type. I’ve had no problem with body-scanners or previous TSA pat-downs. In 2009, a terrorist famously smuggled a bomb in his underwear aboard a U.S. flight. But an agent of the state should probably only touch a citizen’s genitals seven or eight times if the agent has reasonable suspicion, and not because a machine is malfunctioning or calibrated, intentionally or unintentionally, to detect explosives on everyone who is tested.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/mccormack-hands-on-with-the-tsas-new-enhanced-pat-down-procedure/article/2009631

11 thoughts on “Hands On with the TSA’s New ‘Enhanced’ Pat-Down Procedure

  1. next time I fly, Im just going to drop trow..maybe TSA will know how to proceed ,, so I can fly the unfriendly skies

  2. “I’m sure he’d like a job that involves less groping.”

    I’m not.

    “In 2009, a terrorist famously smuggled a bomb in his underwear aboard a U.S. flight.”

    And you BELIEVED that load of hooey???

    Some people’s kids. 🙄

  3. Wait ’till they find a bomb up someone’s arse. We’ll all be required to “bend over and spread ’em”. Airport check-in will include a “bung-hole” inspection line. “Fly the extremely friendly skies.”

  4. Rent a cool motorhome and party to the destination, fk these assholes. Flying is a nightmare now anyway. This bullshit has become ridiculous….

    The minute you arrive at the airport you’re subjected to hell on earth!

    1. That’s all good and well
      Until you want to get out of this lousy country and experience someplace else

      Like a country where you can actually drink a beer in public without getting arrested and fined to penniless

      1. Yea that’s one thing I miss about living in China. No one gave two shits whether you were drinking on the street or anywhere. Hell, in some places it’s rude if you don’t accept a beer from someone there.

        Our country and it’s laws are ridiculous in that respect.

        Like Henry always says, who cares what you put in your body? It’s none of anyone’s business.

  5. I love these new TSA procedures.

    It’s the closest thing I can get to having sex.

    Plus they wear blue condoms on their hands.

    Plus… since I don’t have medical insurance.

    I can get a free prostrate exam if I tell the I’m hiding something up my anus.

    I just wish they would stop being so cheap and get the ribbed blue gloves.

    That’s why I don’t fly anymore.

    There’s no pleasure in it.

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