I Will Connive

At first I had a job; I was petrified
they wanted me to work; there was no place to hide
I spent oh so many nights wonderin’ how to get some cash
while I stayed home, and sat on my fat ass
now you’ll see me; somebody new
I’m never workin’, but I got more cash than you  
I’m collecting welfare checks, for six people who are dead
And I’m raking in more cash, from the whore that’s in my bed
Go on now, go; get to your job
and while you’re working, she’ll be polishing my knob
I’ve got all my life to live, and you’re dumb enough to give
I will connive.
I will connive.

It took all the strength I had to get out of bed
And all the food stamps were cashed in just to feed my head
I drank oh so many beers feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high
‘cause I don’t work, and never will
As long as there are hand outs I will never pay the bill
Weren’t you the one who told me I should find a job?
Do you think I’d labor? Did you think I’d be a working slob?
Oh no not I. I will connive
And as long as there is welfare I will be first in that line
I have all my life to live, and you’re dumb enough to give
I will connive.
I will connive.

— Jolly Roger

4 thoughts on “I Will Connive

  1. The music to “I Will Survive”- Aretha Franklin, played along in my mind with each word to “I Will Connive.” Was this supposed to happen?
    Jolly, this song could top the charts!!

    1. yes, Katie. I should have written “sung to the tune of ‘I will survive’ (like they used to do in MAD magazine) but I know nothing of copyright laws so I left it out. I expected people to figure it out like you did.

      That had me laughing (at my own jokes) all day so I thought I’d share it.

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