Millions Flee Obamacare

boro-flee.jpgThe New Yorker – by Andy Borowitz [SATIRE]

UNITED STATES (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Tea Party loyalists fled the United States in the early morning hours today, seeking what one of them called “the American dream of liberty from health care.”

Harland Dorrinson, 47, a tire salesman from Lexington, Kentucky, packed up his family and whatever belongings he could fit into his Chevy Suburban just hours before the health-insurance exchanges opened, joining the Tea Party’s Freedom Caravan with one goal in mind: escape from Obamacare.  

“My father didn’t have health care and neither did my father’s father before him,” he said. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my children have it.”

But after driving over ten hours to the Canadian border, Mr. Dorrinson was dismayed to learn that America’s northern neighbor had been in the iron grip of health care for decades.

“The border guard was so calm when he told me, as if it was the most normal thing in the world,” he said. “It’s like he was brainwashed by health care.”

Turning away from Canada, Mr. Dorrinson joined a procession of Tea Party cars heading south to Mexico, noting, “They may have drug cartels and narcoterrorism down there, but at least they’ve kept health care out.”

Mr. Dorrinson was halfway to the southern border before he heard through the Tea Party grapevine that Mexico, too, has public health care, as do Great Britain, Japan, Turkey, Spain, Belgium, New Zealand, Slovenia, and dozens of other countries to which he had considered fleeing.

Undaunted, Mr. Dorrinson said he had begun looking into additional countries, like Chad and North Korea, but he expressed astonishment at a world seemingly overrun by health care.

“It turns out that the United States is one of the last countries on earth to get it,” he said. “It makes me proud to be an American.”

5 thoughts on “Millions Flee Obamacare

  1. Mild Contribution :
    This Is A Breaking News Alert ! …….
    Millions of radical extremists fled America
    all last night, and into this morning.
    Border crossings are nearly impassible due to the
    amount of people fleeing for their lives.
    American Nationals are up in arms, literally, seeking
    vengeance for the attempted “Transformation” of this
    Republic into a soviet style Gulag.
    Obama care, entitlements, illegal wars, Illegals, and
    illegal decrees disguised as laws.
    These have finally broken the camels back.
    The people are out for blood ……
    The results we’re seeing isn’t pretty.
    Large convoys of military soldiers are going to homes
    and offices across the country, arresting those
    responsible. Many of those are, or who were, once a
    part of the last administration.
    An administration, that has recently been discovered
    as illegal, as well. For it’s been revealed that the
    president actually was a foreign born national of
    Kenya. Any and all laws that he signed are null and
    void. Thus contributing to the confusion that’s spread
    to a national scale. Agencies, once deemed legitimate
    are now rogue. And those who’ve headed them are
    being sought for their criminal activities as well as
    those who they commanded.
    Many are being strung up on any and all available
    trees and posts. At local, state, and federal levels.
    That’s all I have to report from the Canadian border,
    back to you Shep ………..

  2. Andy Borowitz, he’s like, y’know, uh, sooooo smart. OMG! Funny dude, mostly, like seriously.

    Last time, like, he wrote Obama called Putin a jackass, and man, guys believed it, fer shure, all over thuh world, because they didn’t know it was like, ya know, supposed to be funny. Hello? Know where Russia is? Like, me either, fer shure, but they believed it too.

    I can dig how he incites violence under thuh disguise of humor. But it’s a righteous speak, like, totally, only against racists, fer shure, the conservative and republic dumbs. They’re so like, Neanderthal, they don’t even realize it. And they teach us natural selection in school?

    What Andy Borowitz is ya know, like, sayin’, is abortion is so yesterday. Us guys need to do somethin’ about thuh ones that got missed.

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