The new Federal Reserve edition of the popular board game Monopoly has been revised to fit the realities of the modern banking and real estate world. The most radical change is that the money in the game will no longer be issued as a public utility much like President Lincoln’s Greenbacks were. The new Monopoly money will be green just like Federal Reserve Notes. The players will still be issued $1,500 each at the beginning of the game but under the new rules interest will be paid on the money the Banker created out of nothing. The banker will be allowed to collect 10% interest or $150 at the beginning of the game from every player. Additionally, each player will pay $20 in interest to the banker every time they are allowed the privilege of taking a turn and rolling the dice.
Monopoly is an international game so Canadians and Britons can have their money with a picture of Mark Carney. Europeans can select Mario Draghi. Or anyone anywhere can choose between pictures of Ben Bernanke and Janet Yellen.
The goal of the old game was to become the wealthiest player. It is no longer possible for any player to become wealthy. The New Goal for all players is to survive without becoming impoverished and being sent to Debtor’s Prison.
Under the rules the Banker can no longer be a player.
There are several other new features to the game. One new rule must be read by the Banker before the game begins. The Banker says, “The Banks own the government, the Mainstream news media and the insurance companies. We now require all players to buy health insurance. Please give the Banker $200 to pay for your new and improved insurance premium.” There are also several insurance cards in the deck. Each card requires the player who drew it to pay an additional $200 insurance fee to the bank. In Europe the rules will have to explain that their National Health Service has been privatized. They game will help them understand how privatization is intended to work.
There still is a Get Out Of Jail Free card. But the card has been changed. It is now called a Goldman Sachs Get Out Of Jail Card. It says, “You must pay the Banker $200 for the privilege of getting out of jail.”
Under the new rules, drawing the Go To Jail card or landing on either the Jail or Go to Jail space will cost $200. The jail is privately owned. It is a subsidiary to the Bank that owns the insurance companies, the news media and the government. That is why the Bank must collect all court and jail fees. If you cannot pay the court costs, you will be incarcerated in a privately owned Debtor’s Prison and be paid 25 cents an hour. You will be a Debt Slave for the remainder of the game. Your game token and assets will be seized by the Bank.
There has been a change to deeds as well. In the Old Days people used to have clear deeds to their property. But in the modern world most mortgages are issued under the MERS (Mortgage Electronic Registration System) which is owned by the Banks. Anyone who buys a house will only own it until they draw a MERS card from the Chance deck. The MERS card says, “Unfortunately for you, the Bank has filed a robosigned fraudulent paper with the Banker Owned court claiming title to your home. Your home is now the property of the Bank.” All homes owned by the player will become the property of the Bank. The Banker will be allowed to collect all rents that had been due to the player. There are several of these cards in the deck.
There has also been a change to the utility companies. J P Morgan has taken over the role of ENRON in gaming the system. Blythe Masters, the head of Commodities at Morgan, bought a string of utilities. The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has issued rulings and fines against the utilities not owned by either General Electric or J P Morgan. Since players cannot own a bank, the Banker will read the following ‘Secret Rule’ after a player attempts to buy a utility. “You bought a public utility. The EPA has decided to bankrupt all utilities through Global Warming fines, fees and regulations. Your payment for the property will be kept. The Banker will assume possession of the deed at a private auction. All utility fees the players encounter will be paid to the banker. The Bank will be given an exemption from the fines, fees and regulations. And any player landing on the space will have to pay an additional $25 Global Warming tax to the Banker.”
Similar changes have been to the railroads. When the first player attempts to buy a railroad, the Banker will read aloud Secret Rule Two. The same Too Big To Jail Banks own all governments everywhere. So all railroads and public utilities will go through the same process. The railroads will be nationalized. Then they will be privatized. Service will be reduced and the cost to ride the train will increase sharply. The Banker will seize your railroad. He will collect all fees from players who land on any railroad space. When the player lands on a railroad, he or she will lose a turn to teach the players that privatization means slower service. And the Banker will collect a $25 surcharge from any player unfortunate enough to land on a privatized railroad to teach them that their Government is owned by the Banks.
There is a new Student Loan card. The card says, “Congratulations. You are a college graduate. Your interest payment on your student loans is due. The minimum due is $200. Pay the Banker.” Several of these cards are in the deck so all players will have an opportunity to pay.
There is a totally new You’ve Been Burgled card. It says, “The banks launder more than a trillion dollars a year in illegal drugs and weapons. The CIA is owned by the banks. It flies heroin and cocaine into your country and sells them to drug gangs. Addicts pay for the drugs by breaking into homes and stealing things. You were just burgled. Pay the Banker $200.”
There is also a new Austerity card. This is different than other cards because it applies to all players. If it is drawn, the player will read it aloud. It says, “The Banker Owned Government has been paying interest on money the Banker created out of nothing. This has lead to a severe economic crisis. The government needs a cash infusion to keep going. All players will give the Banker $200.” This is a Banker Owned Government so paying the Banker directly makes more sense than paying the government. Those fools might waste it by feeding starving children to win votes. It simplifies things by just paying your taxes directly to the Bankers.
There is a Hospital card. It says, “You were injured and sent to a hospital. An accountant did a quick check of your assets and the cost to treat your injuries. He has decided that you will cost the Banker Occupied Government more than you will ever pay in taxes. The Death Panel has met and decided your fate. You will die. Your money will be seized by the Banker as he owns the government.” The player surrenders his or her game token and waits for the other players to end up in Debtor’s Prison.
One goal of the game is to teach children this lesson: You must have less so that Bankers can have more. A lot more.
The game copies real life. It is an attempt to acquaint young children with the new realities they will face upon becoming an adult. To achieve the goal of Realism we have included an Economic Draft card. The player who draws it will read it aloud. It says, “You are impoverished and desperate so you join the military of a NATO country. The Banker has declared war in your behalf against country X. Country X is full of Evil People who do not pay interest on the money the Banks created out of nothing. The Banker pays you $200 to join. But after three turns, you will die as collateral damage from an American Depleted Uranium bomb. The Banker will seize your assets and your game token.”
One thought on “Monopoly Board Game Revised For Our Times”
Wow. I think someone had a lot of free time on their hands to write this creative piece. lol
Excellent article, nonetheless!