Mr. President, I’m Moving to Mexico

Late Night in the Midlands – by Michael Vera

Dear President,

I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, the President of Mexico, that I’m on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:  

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English.

4. I want my grand kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grand kids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grand kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the President tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I’ll need income tax credits so that, although I don’t pay Mexican taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request, because you do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that the President of Mexico won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Send this to the white house everyone just for kicks cause you know Obama don’t give a s*** about this country

9 thoughts on “Mr. President, I’m Moving to Mexico

  1. Let me know if you get a response. I will carry you on my back going across the border. We can get better treatment there. Great letter. Should be sent to Congress, our so-called President, and the Mexican Government. All written in Spanish, of course. Or, better yet, press 2 for English.

  2. “Oh come on, people. We are a Christian nation. We have to help the Illegal Mexican immigrants out. We are better than this. Trust me. I know more than you do about this.”, so saith John McCain at an Arizona town hall meeting on border security.

  3. Hey, hey now. Come on guys. Remember what the great John McCain said at an Arizona town hall meeting on border security, “Oh come on, people. We are a Christian nation. We have to help the Illegal Mexican immigrants out. We are better than this. Trust me. I know more than you do about this.”.

  4. I already feel like I’m living in Mexico as it is, so the only thing that would really change would be the latitude.

  5. I am sure that John McCain plans on using your money and not his to “help these people out”. The reason all the politicians want more and more and more immigration is because they cant pay their bills and need to add millions more debt slaves.

  6. Hehehe Michael!
    I remember the old days when he was the only one on LNM and he would do Rusty Humphries type funny songs hehe!

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