New Images of Wreckage of Flight 370 Found in Water! THIS IS NOT A POTENTIAL DISTRACTION!!

American Everyman – by Scott Creighton, from the Creighton “News” Network (a.k.a. C”N”N)

{Please consider the following as my application for employment at CNN}

Stunning new reports are in of various items found in the ocean in various locations that could be from Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370!

When asked about these new developments, an unnamed dude with special insight into the investigation said “yeah… they could be from anything… really… kinda”  

Our crack team of Flight 370 investigators concluded with absolute certainty that meant they couuuuuld be from Flight 370!

French authorities have released a statement saying they have an image of some stuff in the water in the Indian Ocean Garbage Patch. What are the odds of that?

“A statement from Malaysia’s Ministry of Transport said Malaysia received the images from “French authorities showing potential objects in the vicinity of the southern corridor.”… The statement said the images had been sent to Australia, which is coordinating the search about 2,500 kilometers (1,550 miles) southwest of Perth, but officials there could not immediately confirm they had received them…The pallet was spotted by a search plane Saturday, but has not been closely examined. Wooden pallets are commonly used in shipping, but can also be used in cargo containers carried on planes.” AP

CNN is on top of this latest distraction… uh, I mean evidence. “Malaysian authorities have been given photographs that couuuuld show potential objects in the southern corridor of that search area”

Not only that, but the intrepid journalists at CNN went so far as to show an image of a random pallet which they claim couuuuld be used in the aviation industry.

Look at that! Fascinating stuff. Brings you right in there into the story doesn’t it? You can practically smell the rotting fish they couuuuuld have loaded onto that Boeing 777-200 on that cartoonish wooden pallet.

Not to be outdone by CNN (who stole my trademark and slightly altered it from C”N”N) we here have found reliable unnamed super-secret sources who have confirmed the validity more or less of a series of images of other possible random stuff that could be from a plane and therefore proves it’s actually from Flight 370. The sources requested to remain anonymous considering the fact that they are imaginary and thus don’t actually have any authority to supply anyone with any information regarding Flight 370, the search or anything else for that matter.

Below are images, ground-breaking images, of potential stuff found floating in something that couuuuld be from Flight 370.

Remember, you saw this first right here on C”N”N!!!

1. DEBRIS FIELD FOUND!

First, we have been authorized by our super secret sources to disclose this image of what could possibly be the actual debris field of Flight 370 which was photographed, believe it or not, off the coast of Iran! This revelation has lead some to speculate that those two Iranian terrorists who boarded the plane with fake passports, tried to fly the plane in stealth mode all the way back home to pick up some glish-glish which according to our unnamed experts is a food of some kind. Apparently, they didn’t quite make it.

Authorities say if you look really closely, you will see what appears to be a small boat of some kind. Sometimes aircraft carry boats, our experts say and we have an example of that right here:

See? Experts agree… the image pictured above may or may not be Flight 370 carrying the small blue fishing vessel.

When asked if Flight 370 had a small blue fishing vessel in the cargo hold, Malaysian officials looked at us like we were crazy and DECLINED TO ANSWER THE QUESTION! Could it be a CIA small blue fishing boat or one owned by Osama bin Laden’s hair-stylist? Lots of questions out there.

C”N”N is continuing to investigate that line of inquiry.

2. PASSENGERS SIGHTED FLOATING IN THE SEA!!!

Yes, I am sorry to report that C”N”N has obtained a copy of an extremely disturbing image of potential passengers floating in the potential sea. The good news is that they appear to still be swimming strongly after TWO WEEKS possibly setting an endurance record of some kind.

This image has been sent to use by a potential person who could possibly work somewhere with direct knowledge of the event. He declined to be interviewed directly before he passed out.

You will notice that all the passengers appear to be enjoying themselves and are wearing Flight 370′s emergency sunglasses which are deployed along with the oxygen masks and complementary hand soaps.

It would also appear that there are more passengers now after being in the water for two weeks leading some experts to theorize they are reproducing while floating around. With nothing much else to do while authorities continue to obfuscate …. uh, I mean “search”, they are probably entertaining themselves with random sex acts. It makes perfect potential sense when you think about it (not that you should actually “think” about news reports, that would make you a conspiracy theorist and you don’t want that, do you?)

3. PIECES OF FLIGHT 370!!!!

One source of our newest images has decided to go on record. Tudlems, from down at the shelter, who used to be a baggage handler at the airport for a couple of days till he got high on smack and waved his penis at a TSA agent, provided C”N”N with this stunning image of part of the plane, Flight 370!

Stunning right! There it is, Flight 370, just as plain as day. Unnamed sources say “yes. Spanish roofing tiles are sometimes used to make planes. Especially the square ones”

At great expense, C”N”N has brought in the CGI team that potentially made Lord of the Rings to fill in the other parts of the plane so you can see how this section of it relates to the rest.

C”N”N is dedicated to bringing you “All the Truth You Can Tolerate”

Since the image is so far away, a country with a satellite took a closer look. Here it is, proof positive!

At first glance to the untrained eye, this would appear to be a different house… uh, potential plane, than the one in the other potential picture. But experts say that’s because of potential lighting.

Conspiracy theorists have already said “this is a house taken out to sea by a tsunami”

Those crazy conspiracy theorists thinking for themselves again, right?

4. GIANT WOMAN ATTACKING FLIGHT 370!!!!!

Putting to rest all the speculation of what happened to Flight 370, we have been given the authority to release this potential image of the possible moment of probably impact of what could marginally pass for Flight 370.

This image is beyond groundbreaking and should end all the speculation from the conspiracy theorists that Flight 370 was accidentally shot down by Malaysian or Australian military craft thus creating the need for them to obfuscate and misdirect the investigation until the 30 days of the black box soundings are over and they can give up the search.

What we see here in this image provided by absolutely no one, is a giant woman thing, possibly a potential terrorist giant woman thing, attacking something that vaguely resembles Flight 370 and dunking it down into the waters off the coast of Venezuela or North Korea or Iran or Syria or Pakistan or Russia or Detroit.

The horrible truth of this image speaks for itself. Just look at how that terrorist is smiling up at the satellite while she attacks Flight 370. The fiend.

Conclusion

These dramatic and ground-breaking images prove once and for all that Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370 is somewhere in the newly enlarged search area depicted below. You can zoom in on the image for a closer look if you so desire.

The ONLY place where Flight 370 definitely ISN’T is the area of the South China Sea where it went off transponder and radar contact and the witness said he saw it on fire and plunging into the ocean and where the Malaysian defense minister says that unidentified blip was recorded hauling ass back to the Butterworth Air Force base.

FOR GOD’S SAKE, DON’T LOOK THERE!!

My conclusion is thus:

If this article doesn’t prove I am more than capable of doing the type of reporting being done right now by CNN on this subject, nothing will.

In short, if you work for CNN while they are doing this to the families of those lost on Flight 370, go f#@k yourself.

Have a nice Sunday folks.

C”N”N signing out.

http://willyloman.wordpress.com/2014/03/23/new-images-of-wreckage-of-flight-370-found-in-water-this-is-not-a-potential-distraction-images/