OK, I’m not endorsing crime here. But I have to admit, I admire the creativity and work ethic some criminals put into their craft. I always wonder what some of these people could make out of themselves if they would channel their talent into more socially constructive channels.
Take these guys from Australia. They pulled off one heck of a gold heist using a stolen sewage truck.
Yup. You read that right. These guys jacked a sewage truck and used it to steal gold.
And this story reads like a plot from a comic book – if you look at it the right way.
So, how in the heck did our criminal masterminds pull this off? Well, they backed the stolen sewage truck up to a dam at the Kanowna Belle mine and filled it with gold-bearing concentrate.
The value of the gold has not been determined. The heist remains under investigation by detectives from the Kalgoorlie-based Gold Stealing Detection Unit.
“Gold Stealing Detection Unit.” See? Right there. That sounds like something from a comic book It’s a classic comic book name for a crime-fighting unit – like the Crime Crusaders Club from DC comics. Maybe they should send the Gold Stealing Detection Unit after the dastardly Academy of Crime!
Anway, investigators told the Australian Broadcast Company (henceforth referred to as ABC, not to be confused with its American counterpart) the thieves will need sophisticated smelting equipment to transform the concentrate — crushed rock which had been ground down into a sand-like substance — into gold bars.
Only a comic book criminal syndicate could pull something like this off, right?
Or maybe they just had some inside knowledge.
Local resident Doug Daws managed the Kalgoorlie Gold Refinery back in the 1980s. He told ABC the thieves have to have some knowledge of the gold mining industry.
You would have to think the scoundrels who have perpetrated this crime have had some thoughts, knowledge or believe they have some way of processing when people in the industry find it quite a difficult task.”
Scoundrels. Tell me you can’t see Daws’ quote in a thought balloon.
Now again, I’m not endorsing theft. But you have to admit, these dudes were ballsy. It’s like comic book villains. You know you’re supposed to hate them, but sometimes they are so darn cool!
In this episode, the anti-heroes stole a giant bright blue waste truck, pulled up, loaded it with gold and just drove off. Like the ABC story points out, “The Kanowna Belle thieves were not driving a typical getaway car, given the bright blue exterior and Suez markings hardly making the truck low-profile.”
But the Gold Stealing Detection Unit still hasn’t managed to find the truck. Maybe they should call in assistance from the Guardians of the Universe.
Anyhow, don’t you kind of wonder how these scoundrels hatched their plot? As the ABC headline asks, was it a carefully conceived plan drawing on skills honed over years of thievery? Or were these guys just drinking beers one night when one of them said, “You know what we need? Some gold!”
The beer scenario is kind of funny. I like the idea of two drunks coming up with a plan to steal gold using a sewage truck and then looking at each other in dumb amazement when it works. But this is a comic book, not a comedy. So, I have to imagine it was a well-organized ring called the Consortium of Doom. The muscled member spent weeks in their underground hideout drawing up detailed plans. At some point, the Gold Stealing Detection Unit will track down the remote headquarters, but they will find it empty except for discarded blueprints of the dam, sketches of the getaway route and a photo of the head of the Gold Stealing Detection Unit with a target over his face.
To be continued…
Well, however it went down, it shows the lengths people will go to in order to get gold. As Daws noted:
Gold has an allure that transcends all classes of society. Everyone wants a piece … even if it doesn’t belong to them.”