Senior Computer Skills

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one…
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘can’t find printer’.
I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it..

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer..

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

This one and the next are our personal favorites!

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

And last but not least!

Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time.
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.

9 thoughts on “Senior Computer Skills

  1. Here’s a true story from my computer sales and technical support days, back around 1990:

    I had just sold a new computer system to a first time user. I threw in a box of 3 1/2 inch disks, helped him load the system in his car and he was on his way. About 45 minutes later this guy calls and says “I’m having a tough time putting one of those disks in the drive!” After 5 minutes of trying to help, to no avail, I asked him to describe what he had in his hand. “It’s a round piece of plastic with a hole in the center; I had a hell of a time getting that out of its individual wrapping!” I said, ‘one moment, I need to put you on hold for a minute.” I shared this with my co-workers, we had a good laugh, then I went back on the phone and told him to get another one of those disks from the box and leave the ‘wrapping’ on this one. That worked and when he said he was embarrassed for not knowing that, I told him at least you called before you ‘opened’ all of the disks trying to make them work. Lesson learned: when dealing with first time users of any piece of equipment, assumptions can cause problems.

    1. I once had a call where the customer had kept shoving in 5.25″ disks every time it asked for the next one he just shoved it in.

  2. While working the Internet Help Desk for a group that deals with unemployment, the brilliant people and the brilliant things they say was never ending.

    Asking someone their occupation a frequent reply was “unemployed”

    Once I reply to the brilliant guy it does not make for much of a living to which he replied with a genuine, yet real moronic laugh saying ‘yeah, I know’

    asked their mother’s maiden name, a not so rare reply was “I don’t have a maiden name”.

    The split was about 50-50 from males & females.

    1. Your mother’s maiden name is a piece of the hack for identity theft. “I don’t have a maiden name” was a good response; it’s nobody’s business, especially someone working a help desk.

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