The People’s Cube – by Opiate of the People [Satire]
After the recent revelation of long wait times and delays in care at VA hospitals shocked the nation, congressional Democrats from both houses and independent journalists undertook their own investigation to determine the cause of the problem.
What they found was shocking: evidence of a coordinated conspiracy among numerous ill veterans to avoid seeking medical care and blame their subsequent problems on President Obama.
“It’s racism pure and simple.” said one congressional staffer who played a tape recording of a VA patient telling an undercover investigator “I’m supposed to go for a colonoscopy next week but I’m gonna skip it and blame it on Obama if I get sick.”
“I know it sounds an awful lot like me,” the staffer said of the tape, “but it is a VA patient. Trust me.”
While on the surface, it seems incredible and even bizarre that anyone would go to such lengths to embarrass a politician they dislike, it is consistent with the pattern of racism that has emerged since the coronation of the country’s first black president in January 2009.
Recently for example, Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV) revealed that while the Affordable Care Act aka ObamaCare has been wildly successful beyond anyone’s dreams; it would be even more so if not for a concerted effort by racists who desire it to fail:
“I’ll be able to dig up some emails that make part of the Affordable Care Act that doesn’t look good – especially from people who made up their mind that they don’t want it to work because they don’t like the president. Maybe he’s of the wrong color, something of that sort. I’ve seen a lot of that and I know a lot of that to be true. It’s not something you’re meant to talk about in public but it’s something I’m talking about in public because that is very true.”
“If they’re writing emails, you know they’re serious about sabotaging it, those are prima facie evidence,” a well-paid intern on the senator’s staff told us. “I mean, people don’t take the trouble to email if they’re just kidding around. That’s what Twitter and Facebook are for.”
“I can just see them racists sitting there and hitting RESET and ENTER over and over again on the healthcare.gov website, and cursing President Obama each time they get a 404. They’re vicious, I tell ya!”
Frighteningly enough, it appears these latest trumped-up scandals are part of an intense, multi-front racist effort to discredit the president. The opening shot was the revival of the stale two-year-old already-explained Benghazi fiasco last month.
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC) put this “scandal” in its proper perspective for all reasonable people:
“I seem to remember our history. After reconstruction, when people of color gained political presence throughout the south, they drummed up all kinds of things, indictments and accusations, they drove these people out of the south. Some went to Chicago, some came here to Washington D.C. And I see the same kind of efforts to discredit this president and this administration.”
Famous investigative journalist and perpetual victim of bad hairstyling Eleanor Clift recently once again debunked the Benghazi accusations against the president:
“I’d like to point out that Ambassador Stevens was not ‘murdered’,” she said, bending her fingers in the air to suggest the drawing of quote marks, “but died of smoke inhalation in a CIA safe room.”
Another journalist put it more bluntly: “It’s safe to say racists in the CIA murdered him to make Obama look bad.”
Even more startling, however, is the realization that the efforts to make Barack Obama look bad did not start in 2009 or even in the 21st century, but actually began in the 1780s. Investigative blogger Ezra Klein explains the facts to readers of low intelligence:
Klein makes the argument that it is unfair to expect Obama to succeed when the presidency is designed to be ineffective. In Klein’s view, instead of blaming Obama for being an absentee president, we should be scolding James Madison and Alexander Hamilton for crafting a Constitution that didn’t provide a president with the ability to govern because of the checks and balances incorporated into the system.
“The racism in this country is sickening!” chanted all living MSNBC commentators in unison. “It’s obvious the Tea Party was plotting against Barack Obama nearly two centuries before he was born. If that’s not racism, what is?”
Experts are at a loss to explain why so many seemingly normal people are consumed by such hatred for President Obama.
“You take former President Bush,” said one psychologist wearing a “Buck Fush” T-shirt. “On the surface, he seems like a nice guy, always smiling like a chimp. So you tell me why he started two unnecessary wars to ensure that 10 years later the VA hospitals would be overloaded and make America’s first black president look bad! How do you explain that, huh?”
“I don’t understand what drives people to irrational hatred, but I’m sure it has something to do with the Koch Brothers,” mused Senator Harry Reid (D-NV).
“I don’t know what the next phony scandal to arise around Barack Obama will be,” said future House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, “but one thing I know for sure: racist hatred of the president will be behind it. It always is.”
– See more at: http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/dems-suggest-vets-delayed-own-tests-to-make-obama-look-bad-t14012.html#sthash.qCaWueBP.dpuf
“Frighteningly enough, it appears these latest trumped-up scandals are part of an intense, multi-front racist effort to discredit the president.”
No help needed in THAT department. He has ZERO credibility to start with.
Good job with the quotes from Rockefeller, Reid and Pelosi (could have thrown something in by Hitlery and Feinstein too, though).
Surprised they didn’t flat out blame the Constitution for Obama being just three-fifths of a President…