United States adds Algebra to list of terror organisations

News Thump – by Davywavy

The United States has added followers of Islamic system Al-Gebra to its list of terror organisations today.

The move follows a narrow escape after a follower of Algebra was found practicing his beliefs on an internal flight, leading to a security alert.  

Founded by Mohammed al-Khwarizmi in Central Asia in the 9th century, Algebra has brought nothing but despair and misery ever since, especially during year 6 maths lessons.

Al-Gebra is described as an ‘inhuman system’ which teaches that everything can be replaced with a number.

Followers are expected to devote their lives to finding a mysterious and eternally unknowable entity known as ‘X’, a process which involves complex rituals and often a great deal of prayer.

A common Al-Gebra prayer is said to go “Oh, Jesus, this is impossible. Just please tell me what the hell X is.”

Many children exposed to Al-Gebra report feelings of horror and anger, especially if it’s just before P.E. Class.

“It’s often quite easy to spot an Al-Gebra follower, as they tend to have a beard, leather patches on the elbows of their tweed jacket and smoke a pipe,” we were told.

“Many play Dungeons and Dragons as well, and that’s always a cause for concern.

“The public can be reassured that we have well-developed and robust algorithms to help us-

“Hang on. Algorithm? Al-Gorithm? Guy! Guys! I’ve found another one!”


5 thoughts on “United States adds Algebra to list of terror organisations

  1. And I guarantee it (being a former teacher of algebra), that this will be just another excuse to not teach it in public schools–heck they barely teach it anyway! Now good luck becoming an engineer with it! (So I guess we’ll have to hire “terrorists” to fix bridges…).

    BTW: great satire!

    1. And another thing–clearly the writer of this is a Brit–“maths” not “math”?–and clearly their education system is superior to ours…they teach algebra in “year 6” whereas (except for gifted and talented) in the US we have to wait for “year 7 or 8” (and often, year 9, 10, 11, or 12!–heck I had seniors in my Algebra 1 classes!)

      1. Let me know when they add “C-Al Culus”! Then again, with all the illegal Muslims coming in (thanks, Obamanation!), let’s see how long it takes fro them to “integrate”!

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