Perspective

I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. – (can we get this passed as a law right away?)

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. (Grabbing my keys, on my way to Auto Zone right now)   

You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably very unhappy. (What is that old adage again? Oh I remember…RUN FOREST…RUN!)

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body.(So ummm…that is what happened to me?)

I don’t like making plans for the day. Because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom. (Don’t you hate that?)

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row. (Slow poke…I am at 4,565,  days already)

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.(Going to start doing this…straight away)

Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what’s your plan? (This I would like to know also)

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege. (this one is way too easy to reply to…Just watch the 6:00 o’clock news)

Old age is not as bad as I thought. It’s a good feeling when you just don’t give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning…(I tell  people all the time..If I can wake up in the morning and see the sun….and know that I can aggravate just 1 more person…then it is a good day)