24 Signs That You Just Might Be a Closet Prepper

Here are 24 signs that you might be a closet prepper:

    • You’ve had a survival blog for 4 years and your spouse doesn’t know.
    • Your family does not know there’s a case of Dinty Moore stew hidden in the basement
    • You stand around the office water cooler laughing with your buddies about all those tin-foil hat wearers – but you have your own roll of Reynolds Wrap at home.

  • You’re an anonymous poster on Infowars.
  • While you were supposed to be grocery shopping, you were checking out escape routes out of the city.
  • You’ve got a Swiss Army knife on your keychain that looks like a roach clip, instead of a roach clip that looks like a Swiss Army knife.
  • You’ve read The Turner Diaries with a flashlight under the bed covers, so now you think you know what’s coming.
  • You download Steve Quayle’s podcasts to your i-pod so you can listen to him on your way to work, alone.
  • You anonymously put your spouse on a mailing list for wilderness vacation spots.
  • You’ve got a browser bookmarks folder named “Recipes” that includes links to Survival Blog, Preparedness Society Forum, the Economic Collapse Blog, Survival Mom, and Surviving Survivalism.
  • You’ve told your in-laws that the camping equipment in the garage is because you love the great outdoors.
  • You’ve convinced yourself that you like the taste of freeze-dried storage foods.
  • You play the video game, Half-Life II to practice what you will do when chaos breaks out.
  • Doomsday Preppers is your favorite TV show, but you have to TiVO it so you can watch it when your family is out of the house.
  • You’ve asked a survivalist group to try to convince your spouse that prepping is a good idea.
  • Your family thinks you’ve become a religious fanatic, but every Sunday morning you are really taking trips into the wilderness.
  • You tell your wife the gas mask you bought is to spark up your sex life – you’d rather have her think you’re a pervert than a prepper.
  • You run a large “off-grid” website from your London apartment, but you tell your friends it’s just for the monthly Google Analytics check.
  • You tell your neighbors that you bought a HumVee for its gas mileage.
  • You visit different survival communities every weekend, telling your girlfriend/boyfriend that “It’s just a free camping weekend!”
  • You’ve built a house out of rocks deep in the woods while your wife/husband thought you were taking philosophy classes at the local college.
  • While you are in the bathroom getting ready for work, you day dream about leaving society behind and living the self-sufficient life.
  • You pray that company doesn’t want to stay overnight, because if you open the sofa bed they’ll see all your Survival magazines.
  • You’re just waiting for the day when you can say, “See?  I told you!



Dan & Sheila are the authors of Surviving Survivalism – How to Avoid Survivalism Culture ShockSurviving Survivalism – How to Avoid Survivalism Culture Shock  .  They can be reached at surviving@lavabit.comsurviving@lavabit.com  .

5 thoughts on “24 Signs That You Just Might Be a Closet Prepper

  1. “You’re just waiting for the day when you can say, “See? I told you!””

    Actually that is the only one that I can relate to. Sorry.

  2. Interesting the idea of being a prepper, and keeping it secret from one’s spouse. That, as are most big secrets kept from spouses, is SURE to end well!

    Can we enumerate all the possible happy endings arising from such a strategy in order of probability?

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