Arrest warrant issued for Punxsutawney Phil


MERRIMACK — The local police department, fed up with the continuous snowstorms this winter, has issued an arrest warrant for Punxsutawney Phil.

On Tuesday, the Merrimack Police Department posted a photograph of the suspect, a famous rodent that lives in a Pennsylvania burrow and recently predicted another six weeks of winter. In an effort to make light of the countless inches of snow that have fallen in New Hampshire in the past two weeks, area police are attempting to make a few Facebook followers smile despite the hibernating cold.  

“We have received several complaints from the public that this little varmint is held up in a hole, warm and toasty,” police posted on Tuesday. “He told several people that winter would last six more weeks, however he failed to disclose that it would consist of mountains of snow!”More than 5,000 Facebook users shared the department’s message by Wednesday evening, trying desperately to find Punxsutawney Phil so that an arrest could be made.

The social media posting gained numerous comments, with at least one follower insisting that local police do not have the correct suspect.

“You have identified the wrong suspect. Queen Elsa is behind this weather,” posted one individual, referring to the ice queen from Disney’s “Frozen.”

Others questioned the amount of bail that would be set if Phil was captured.

“If you see him, do not approach him, as he is armed and dangerous,” stated Merrimack police, urging residents to call authorities if the groundhog is spotted.

Most Facebook users were entertained by the light-hearted spirit of Merrimack police and their unusual post, which had gained nearly 3,000 likes and hundreds of comments.

“As foolish as this is, it’s nice to see that police do in fact have a sense of humor,” posted Dennis Mackey.

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7 thoughts on “Arrest warrant issued for Punxsutawney Phil

  1. “As foolish as this is, it’s nice to see that police do in fact have a sense of humor”
    and very little to do with their time when they’re not abusing the citizenry.

  2. What they going to do if they arrest him? Hit him with a Taser and beat the shit out of him or just shoot him and call it a day?

  3. They secretly kidnapped Punxsutawney Phil and renditioned him on a CIA torture flight, and he is now being water-boarded in Gitmo with no charges as of yet.

    His one official statement has been: “HAVEN’T YOU EVER SEEN A TALKING WOODCHUCK BEFORE???”

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