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Bitter Scalia Leaves U.S.

The New Yorker – by ANDY BOROWITZ

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Justice Antonin Scalia dropped a bombshell on the Supreme Court today, announcing his decision to resign from the Court “effective immediately” and leave the United States forever.

Calling this week “by far the worst week of my life,” Justice Scalia lashed out at his fellow-Justices and the nation, saying, “I don’t want to live in a sick, sick country that thinks the way this country apparently thinks.”  

Justice Scalia said that he had considered fleeing to Canada, “but they not only have gay marriage but also national health care, which is almost as evil.”

He said the fact that nations around the world recognizing same-sex marriage are “falling like deviant dominoes” would not deter him from leaving the United States: “There are plenty of other countries that still feel the way I do. I’ll move to Iran if I have to.”

Throwing off his robe in a dramatic gesture, Justice Scalia reserved his harshest parting shot for his fellow-Justices, screaming, “Damn you! Damn each and every one of you to hell! You call yourself judges? That’s a good one. You’re nothing but animals!”

Breathing heavily after his tirade, he turned to Justice Clarence Thomas and said, “Except you, Clarence. Are you coming with me?”

Justice Thomas said nothing in reply.

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/03/bitter-scalia-leaves-us.html#ixzz2P9S6tf17

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23 Responses to Bitter Scalia Leaves U.S.

  1. VoxVeritatis says:

    Hahaha “Damn you! Damn each and every one of you to hell! You call yourself judges? That’s a good one. You’re nothing but animals!”…”Breathing heavily after his tirade, he turned to Justice Clarence Thomas and said, “Except you, Clarence. Are you coming with me?” Hahaha I’m almost peeing myself here! Is this for real? Because it sure sounds like a bit from The Onion. The only thing that would have made this better is if Scalia whipped out a shotgun and blew away that group of robed degenerates, then shoved it in his own mouth and pulled the trigger…or maybe beat them all to death with a gavel before running out and throwing himself in front of a speeding bus. I just can’t figure out this group…on one case they’ll seem to make a reasonable decision within Constitutional guidelines, and then they’ll really blow chunks on others like deciding in favor of Monsanto (THE most evil corporation on earth) over family farmers, decisions that are clearly wrong and immoral. F#@k ’em.

  2. D. Gilmore says:

    no way…this has got to be satire…somebody please do the research and find out if this is true…if it is, I will turn gay and marry Scalia…Ok, I wont turn gay but I promise to take good care of his daughter if he has one..or whatever, but SOB, I love this! IF true, Scalia is my hero. Hah….the first time I did an edit on my own post 🙂 I just wanted to make clear that I dont care if gays get married, if they are that stupid let them be. But while the country is in total shambles from bankers and corruption, bringing up gay rights is a distraction, YOU ALL know what I am talking about, finding there are very smart people here.

    • plowshari says:

      IF this little tantrum is accurate? Its like the phony rant of rick santelli which “set off the Tea Party” –that had been planned months in advance by the corp Elite, or the Turkish PM Erdogan’s fake hissy fits at Israel while he is doing full military business as usual with them off-camera– and arming death squads into his neighbor Syria in exchange for annexing Syrian land after Assad falls.

      Scalia was the BEST FRIEND of Pres Bush, Jr who illegally cast the vote to hand him POTUS during election coup 2000 and who enabled the whitewash of 911 report. If true, crook’s hijinx are sickening. Hypocrite Scalia is running for cover, heading for the bunkers and gettin’ outa Dodge before SHTF.
      Whatever he knows is coming, must be IMMINANT where he didnt even give ‘2 weeks notice’.

      Even if it is true, and not satire- wouldnt make much difference. We’d be losing one treasonous traitor to be revolved into place by his clone (probably of dual-national status). The Scalia scam is what got America to the police state it is today. Hard to get much lower, but wait!! Here comes his replacement Supreme Justice Alan Dershowitz…

  3. rhumstruck says:

    This is a double-edged sword.Either we have a rat jumping ship or we lost a 2nd article defender just waking up. What we can know from this is that now Sotero will appoint a virulent gun grabber in his place.
    In one sense it’s quite disturbing. On the other hand, inasmuch as the insurgent govt. is not of, by or for the people, this is as meaningless as the so-called laws of this land.
    Personally, I think it’s a rat jumping ship!

  4. Millard says:

    Jot down that forwarding address for future reference.

  5. JD says:

    I think it is a parody for two reasons. No other news org has this news, especially the commie rag NYT and the New Yorker has a humor tag on the piece.

    Can you imagine what a boost this would be for the Marxist in Chief? He’d get to appoint another commie in the court and then, Americas slide would be vertical.

  6. David Kidd says:

    Either way it tells us a lot.

  7. Paul says:

    It can’t be true. A Judge would surely have more decorum than that (even though it IS Scalia we’re talking about).

  8. rhumstruck says:

    GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
    Borowitz is a comedian and writes satire for the New Yorker.
    Damn IT! We was scammed!

    • diggerdan says:

      I was hopeing for the best too rhumstruck. That was good for a laugh though hehehe

      • Cathleen says:

        Does anyone know if there a newspaper/media ethic somewhere saying that if a story posted is a satire, they have a responsibility to tell the public it’s a satire? *sigh* …
        . . .

        • Millard says:

          Hey Cathleen, it’s unfortunate that there’s so much info out there that it’s hard to filter through the bulls**t at times. Oh well, it’ll all come out in the wash.

        • diggerdan says:

          HaHaHa Cathleen, you are right. It is kind of hard sometimes to tell the difference now a days isn`t it 🙂

  9. Lou says:

    It shows the pathetic state of the USA when it is not possible to tell parody from expected behavior.

    The simple truth is we are living in a Constitutional Republic where our “president” is a Marxist, foreign born who is not qualified to be president. We have a puppet Congress who has allowed out non-qualified “puppet-president” to revoke Habeas Corpus let alone our Constitution. Our “military” is busy installing Rockefeller central banks, murdering and looting gold around the world. And Homeland Gestapo is installing the infrastructure to slaughter millions of US Citizens and EVERYONE is powerless to act to stop it for fear of being labeled a “terrorist”.

    At least the bush family drug cartel has enough sense to buy 50,000 acres in the middle of the jungle.

  10. Kulafarmer says:

    This is bad if this is true, real bad, because you can bet the next justice will not only be hotly contested but a far left leaning liberal.

  11. Andy V. says:

    Where did this come from? After all it is April Fools day in Australia already.

  12. gary jackson says:

    Great-if true.One more corporate shill bites the dust.Throw thomas over you shoulder and let the door kick you in the ass on the way out

  13. Mark Schumacher - NV says:

    The guy is a Dick Cheney ass kisser. Get the rope.

    • Angel-NYC says:

      He went hunting with Dick Cheney and didn’t get shot?

      • diggerdan says:

        Heck Angel, you know how these guys go hunting – they go to a game farm and pick out their animal that they want to shoot, take the animal out to a nice backdrop to make it look like they are the great white hunter, and then shoot the animal, and then do a pose like the gay bastards that they are. Dick cheney was probobly screwin` the farmers sheep.

  14. Tom says:

    Wish I could afford to leave…………………………….

  15. # 1 NWO Hatr says:

    Come on guys, this is pure satire, obviously.

    ““There are plenty of other countries that still feel the way I do. I’ll move to Iran if I have to.”

    If nothing else, this line alone should have given it away. LOL

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