Idiot Sighting

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00.

I said “May I have large bills, please”.

She looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.”  

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When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply: ‘I know, I already got that side. ‘

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

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We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, ‘NO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

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My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’

To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’

He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

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The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to downsizing, our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun .We should do this more often.’

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

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I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.

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STAY ALERT! They walk among us…they VOTE, and have babies.

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For all of us who are seniors…

The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies, while undergarments for old people are called Depends:

When babies poop in their diapers, people are still gonna Luv’em and Hug’em.

When old people poop in their diapers, the reaction Depends on who’s in the will!