On Becoming Illegal

(Actual letter from an Oregon resident sent to his Senator)

The Honorable Wyden
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Wyden,

As a native Oregonian and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.  

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for only three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as “in-state” tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me, given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance

Your Loyal Constituent,

(hoping to reach “illegal alien” status rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )

Dale B. Rilyeu

Lebanon, Or

7 thoughts on “On Becoming Illegal

  1. I love it.
    One problem.
    He states that his intent is to avoid paying taxes. That is illegal. Not filing is not illegal. Avoiding paying with intent is illegal.
    Confessing to intent to commit tax evasion is not smart.
    Wyden is a stooge.

  2. What a stupid letter! The man owes no tax whatsoever on his wages and never did, only on INCOME. Income and wages are two separate animals as already defined by the courts. Hasn’t anyone read the IRS code???? So what if its 73,954 pages long… Others have done it, including Pete Hendrickson…Quit being a stupid sheep!!!!!

      1. Koyote, one must read and comprehend parts of it that pertain to whether or not they actually owe income tax.

        There are many people that are working and paying income taxes that they are not liable for because they don’t know.

        One can work and taxes are being taken out and they can just ignore filing, yet they are still not going to get the money back that was fraudulently taken if in fact they don’t owe income tax.

    1. Yeah, so what do you do when the IRS comes to take away your house and what ever they deem necessary? What about them taking it straight out of your pay check?

      1. “Yeah, so what do you do when the IRS comes to take away your house and what ever they deem necessary?”

        Defend it. Until this becomes necessary educate yourself and find out if you actually owe the “income” tax. Do you know if your work is one that is actually exercising some benefit that would make you liable. Perhaps some of it is sometimes, only you can make this determination which demands that you know. Educate yourself.

        Here you go-http://losthorizons.com

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