George and a Newfie feller were both patients in a mental hospital in St. John’s. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, George suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. The Newfie promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled George out.
When the medical director became aware of the Newfie’s heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell the Newfie the news he said, “Newf, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound thinking and judgment.
The bad news is, George, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
The Newfie replied “He didn’t hang himself; I put him there to dry … So…how soon can I go home?”
A trapper in the Yukon walks 23 miles to his nearest neighbours cabin and knocks on the door. When his neighbour answers he says “I’m having a party at my place tomorrow night and wanted to invite you over for the festivities.” There’s going to be lots of good food. Plenty of liquor. Music, Dancing, and maybe even a little sex afterwards.
The neighbour replies, “Well that’s right neighbourly of you friend.” Who alls gonna be there?”
First trapper says “Probably just me and you”
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?’
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. ‘I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.’
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large beaver sitting at the water’s edge.
He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?’ asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, ‘Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.’
“My point exactly”, said the doctor.
The only cow in a small town in Saskatchewan stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta for 800 dollars. Being a poor town, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the local farming elder, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the old farmer what was happening; “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.
The elder thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Alberta?”
The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. “You are truly a wise man. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?
“The old farmer answered sadly, “My wife is from Alberta.”
Hee, hee, hee. So many wives are from Alberta.
🙂
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It was a beautiful day, and a Newfoundland housewife decided to take her husband’s dory out for an afternoon jaunt. She lost track of time, and dozed off while the dory gently rocked in the waves.
She awoke to an offshore wind, and desperately tried to row back to harbor. Tragically, the waves overcame the small boat and she vanished beneath the waves.
The next day, her husband answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. McPaddy, but we have some information about your wife,” said one officer.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” McPaddy shouted.
The officers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. McPaddy said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The officer said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”
“Oh, no!” exclaimed McPaddy. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The officer continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 ten-pound lobster and 6 good-size crabs clinging to her.”
Stunned, Mr. McPaddy demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?”
The officer answered: “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow!”
LOL… I remember Newfie jokes from the first time I was in Canada (72). They’re the Canadian version of American Polack jokes.