The Affordable Boat Act

The Hull Truth [SATIRE]

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: “The affordable boat act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of their own, because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.   

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so…its only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat….or ANYTHING else..

Yeah…it’s that stupid…

6 thoughts on “The Affordable Boat Act

  1. This was SUPPOSED be followed up with The Affordable Politician Act, but it was found that all of the Politicians have already been bought.

  2. Michael, I hate to be picky, but, you’re technically wrong on the politician sales issue. It’s actually more on the line of the gold derivatives scandle, wherein the politicians have been sold so many times over, that they’ve lost count, and therefore have limited all political resales until further notice.

  3. “This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats….”

    I know one financially not-quite-yet-responsible person who bought a used boat (from a wealthy guy looking to rip someone off), took it out a few times, then got stranded about 30 miles offshore in the Gulf of Mexico toward Galveston, and now cannot use it because something is wrong engine-wise…my son. Well, he’s learned his lesson, I hope: shop around, and don’t buy the first boat you see…

    What will Obama do next, now that we are “forced” to buy health insurance? Since we are already forced to buy car insurance, how about this? “The Affordable Home Act”–we will all be forced to buy homeowners insurance/or renters insurance…and folks out here in far west (meaning dry) west Texas will be “forced” to buy flood insurance no doubt, while folks on Long Island (aka “Nor-easter Central”) will be forced to buy thousands of yards of tarps to keep their houses from rotting and falling apart, and if a hurricane (aka Sandy) comes along and the tarp is blown away, you have ten days to buy another one…even if your house washes away! I mean, if men have to buy maternity insurance…

    After that, Obama will have us pay a tax on every breath we take…though those at 6,000 feet or above will pay less because the air is thinner up here…with rebates or credits given out if you climb to 12,000 feet and above and get altitude sickness…and oh yeah, as Massachusettes is not obliged to do ObamaCare, Colorado is not obliged to do “the Affordable Air Act”…

Join the Conversation

Your email address will not be published.