This month, federal health officials are rolling out a national adult immunization plan that contains a new Mandatory Adult Vaccination1,2 and Electronic Tracking Program. The government is urging Americans to fulfill their obligation to support and comply with the anti-choice requirement to relinquish responsibility for personal health and well-being to federally appointed health officials through pharmaceutical enhancements.
Public health officials will be monitoring Twitter and Facebook posts for anti-vaccine chatter that may indicate non-compliance with federal vaccine recommendations and state vaccine mandates.
“The measles outbreak in Disneyland is a prime example of how Americans are incapable of protecting their own health and making wise health choices,” said a spokesman for the federally sponsored Anti-Choicers United Campaign.
“We are delighted that every state has pledged to move forward on bills to eliminate vaccine exemptions and support mandatory vaccine compliance, and we remind Americans that failure to vaccinate is a serious biothreat that simply will no longer be tolerated.”
French time-management specialist Aucun Choix—who was not consulted during the negotiations with drug companies that preceded the mandate—commented that “removing choice is one of the most basic steps you can take to simplify your life,” noting that Americans suffer an inordinate amount of stress as a result of having too many choices.
“Making vaccination decisions is an arduous task involving lots of reading and information processing,” he said, “and this is time Americans can now spend on less stressful activities such as eating and watching television with their families or texting friends.
They should embrace the opportunity to relinquish the responsibility of making medical choices to those who have graduated from medical school and have no doubts about vaccine safety.
It is a complete waste of time for non-medical professionals to research the subject of vaccines because federal health agencies receive a lot of money from the pharmaceutical industry to fast track vaccines to licensure and maintain very high quality control standards.”
US Aims to Become First Nation to Eradicate ALL Threats to Public Health
According to Anti-Choicers United, the nationwide mandatory vaccination and electronic tracking plan for adults will involve all employers, private businesses, non-profit organizations, churches, and federal and state agencies “to ensure all carbon-based units traversing American soil will be in compliance with the adult vaccination schedule approved by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC).”
Visitors entering the United States from overseas will be required to present proof of vaccination against the following diseases, as per the 2015 adult immunization schedule,3 prior to being granted unfiltered air breathing rights.
|Influenza||Tetanus, diphtheria, pertussis (Td/Tdap)|
|Human papillomavirus (HPV) male and female||Haemophilus influenza type b (Hib)|
|Hepatitis A and B||Meningococcal|
|Varicella||Measles, mumps, rubella (MMR)|
Plans for the addition of quarantine facilities with negative air pressure cleanrooms, stocked with all mandated vaccines, have been approved for all US airports and harbors.
Questions have been raised by some anti-anti-choice groups about the potential health hazard some travelers might face by having to potentially receive multiple doses of multiple vaccines before they can begin their vacations.
In response, Anti-Choicers United issued a statement directing vaccine safety-denialists to one of the world’s leading Anti-Choicer, Dr. Paul Offit, who has gone on record stating that an infant can safely tolerate 10,000 vaccines given simultaneously, which means that adults likely can tolerate even more.
“Surely a man who has designed and sold patent rights to a vaccine and has lobbied hard to eliminate vaccine exemptions is qualified to serve as the final authority on vaccine safety,” Anti-Choicers United stated. “Any illness or subsequent disability or death following receipt of a mandated vaccination can be assumed to be purely coincidental, as the government mandate by definition presupposes safety.”
BS Alert Rolling Out in April
The government has already begun monitoring Twitter and Facebook posts to detect anti-vaccine sentiment for the purpose of monitoring for non-compliance with federal vaccine use recommendations.
As early as next month, the BioSafety (BS) Alert system will become fully functional, sending out text message alerts to any cellphone within a 500 foot radius of one or more suspected unvaccinated adults, who may also be parents of unvaccinated children. The BS Alerts will be categorized according to threat level based on the number of unvaccinated threats milling about in any given area:
- BS Alert Level 1: One unvaccinated individual within a 500-foot radius of your current location. Finish up what you’re doing and calmly leave the area.
- BS Alert Level 2: Two to five unvaccinated individuals within a 500-foot radius of your current location. Call the BS Alert center for extraction assistance.
- BS Alert Level 3: More than five unvaccinated individuals within a 500-foot radius of your current location. No action required. Hazmat-equipped containment unit is automatically dispatched to the scene of the anti-anti-choice conglomeration.
BS Tracking: ‘Priceless’ Disease Prevention Assurance
With regard to cost, the BioSafety (BS) electronic tracking portion of the mandatory adult vaccination program is unlikely to add more than a few dollars a week to each person’s cellphone bill—a price most Americans will gladly pay, according to Anti-Choicers United.
“Tracking and alerting citizens that they are in close proximity of one or more unvaccinated individuals is a priceless assurance of disease prevention that most people will appreciate” said an Anti-Choicers’ United spokesperson.
Electronic GPS tracking systems via smartphones and tablets are already operational, and the electronic medical records (EMRs) system has also been initiated via the Affordable Care Act. It’s a rather simple process to attach vaccination records to each individual’s cell phone account, thereby being able to track the movements and moment-to-moment whereabouts of individuals who are overdue on their shots.
Not everyone is thrilled by the allure of such “priceless” disease prevention assurance however, noting that privacy may be worth more than dollars and cents. As noted by a leading pro-education, pro-vaccine choice non-profit group being targeted by government for criticism and potential restricted speech sanctions:4
“Adults should examine this plan carefully because the U.S. Constitution guarantees American citizens the right to privacy. There is no language in the plan that provides for consumer privacy protections.
In that context, it is important to understand that the [plan] objectives include electronically harnessing your personal medical information and that of all adults for the purpose of increasing adult vaccine uptake in the U.S. by tracking your vaccination status, with little regard for your privacy.
This is a glaring omission given the acknowledged and known risks for patient data being hacked (security breaches) by malicious outside entities. The plan does not include provisions for raising consumer awareness of their ability to opt out of electronic tracking and patient data sharing schemes.”
In response, Anti-Choicers United urged citizens to ignore such selfish, anti-social rants, noting that it is a duty of government to protect the public health by minimizing the impact of outdated notions of privacy and informed consent rights. “Besides, thinking for yourself is overrated in light of the brilliant minds making vaccine use recommendations and writing sales copy for pharmaceutical companies,” one Anti-Choicers United representative was overheard saying at a federal vaccine advisory committee meeting in February. “We really should give those folks more credit for bringing people such peace of mind through words alone. That is no small feat.”
What Initiated the Current Chain of Events?
As noted by many media outlets, the Disneyland measles outbreak in January highlighted the importance of adult immunizations,5as it was eventually determined that more than half the measles cases actually occurred in adults. This means that waning vaccine acquired immunity has pushed the disease that normally occurs in childhood, into adulthood.
Children already receive a booster shot but, clearly, adults need them too, and they’re not getting them. “Age-induced vaccine-deficiency is clearly a serious problem that needs to be rectified,” Anti-Choicers United said in a press release just days after the once common childhood disease was diagnosed in a number of adults, some of whom had received two or more MMR shots. As reported by the LA Times,6 some institutions took swift action:
“A nationwide chain of about 1,500 daycare centers, said it will begin requiring measles vaccines for all staff working with babies under 15 months old. The chain also will collect records of measles immunizations for all workers. The move came as eight infants …in a Chicago suburb fell ill with the measles. Disneyland has offered free measles shots for any of its 27,000 theme park employees in California… Those without proof of immunity were put on paid leave until it was clear they were not contagious.”
Public health officials issued the following statement:
“We need to ensure vaccine use compliance from cradle to grave, as we know the science is clear that reactions to pharmaceutical products are very, very, very rare and it is impossible in any case to prove that prescription drugs and vaccines cause any harm at all. The benefits far outweigh the risks, and to protect the public health there can be no exceptions to vaccination. Anyone who believes in choice when it comes to vaccines is anti-science.”
Ironically, this comes at a time when CDC is being questioned heavily about its ability to ensure public health and safety. A recent report7 on lab safety at the CDC, created by a committee of external experts, calls the agency’s commitment to safety “inconsistent and insufficient.”
Regardless of such concerns, the adult immunization plan will utilize the Electronic Medical Records (EMR) systems to survey the nation, looking for adults who are not receiving mandatory medical treatments. State and federal officials will now be able to identify and track anyone who is not vaccinated based on their social security number, matched to their electronic medical records and GPS location of their portable electronic technologies, such as smartphones and tablets.
Mandatory pharmaceutical interventions are now taking precedent over what Anti-Choicers United calls the “outdated Bill of Rights in the U.S. Constitution.” Ironically, while the adult vaccine mandate demands that you relinquish responsibility for your own health—in fact you have no right to take on such a responsibility—you are responsible for the entirety of the public’s health, particularly anyone you might into contact with… In short, if you are not vaccinated, you are deemed to be immunocompromised, and therefore a threat to public health.
When asked about the possibility of carrying out a comparative study, assessing health outcomes of vaccinated versus unvaccinated individuals, Anti-Choicers United replied: “We cannot include a healthy control group opting out of the mandatory vaccination schedule. They would be free-loaders coasting on the herd immunity built upon the backs of the compliant conformers.”
Anti-Choice advocate Dr. Paul Offit and his colleagues also expressed disgust with herd immunity freeloaders taking religious exemptions to vaccination, noting that, fortunately, it’s not that difficult to “eliminate them once and for all” by writing laws that include incarceration for refusal to conform to anti-choice dictates.8
Even though he doesn’t believe in God, Offit recently proclaimed that Jesus9 himself was in favor of cradle to the grave mandatory vaccinations. The mandatory vaccination program with its BS electronic tracking and alert system offers a kick start to ensuring adult compliance with federal vaccine use recommendations, and legal experts have already said they expect laws to be added that give health officials—and possibly even private citizens—the right to issue citizen arrests when encountering an unvaccinated person.
The Future of the Immunocompromised Elimination Program
Concurrent with the rollout of the Mandatory Adult Vaccination and Tracking Program, the establishment of an Immunocompromised Elimination Program (IEP) will be funded to begin developing new vaccines against other modern scourges. An anti-obesity vaccine10 is at the top of the list, as obesity severely impairs your immune function, and potentially alters your immune response to influenza vaccination.11 Estimates suggest a mandatory anti-obesity vaccine may be available within the next five years.
“We really need this vaccine,” an Anti-Choicers United spokesperson said, “as obese people might not respond sufficiently when given their annual flu shot. This makes obese people a clear threat to public health, just as if they were unvaccinated. Eventually, BMI will become part of the BS Tracking program as well, which will help us identify and properly address the public health threat that obese individuals pose. Obesity also impairs cell-mediated immunity during pregnancy,12 which means obese pregnant women may pose a particularly potent threat to public health unless they’ve been vaccinated against obesity.”
News of the BS Alert and Tracking program caused vaccine industrialists to flock to investors’ meetings, in which discussions have flowed over which vaccines might be good candidates for the mandatory program. At present, the list of vaccines in line to be added to the mandatory program include:
|Ebola||HIV||Hepatitis C||Hepatitis E||Syphilis|
|Adenovirus||Obesity||High blood pressure||Acne||Tooth decay|
|Chlamydia||Respiratory synctial virus (RSV)||Parainfluenza||Botulism||Salmonella|
|Norovirus||West Nile virus||Malaria||Tuberculosis||Cholera|
|Dengue virus||Asthma||Diabetes||Anti-smoking||Anti-cocaine and anti-heroin use|
Phase 2 of the Immunocompromised Elimination Program
Alas, vaccinating the human population will not suffice if the federal government wants to ensure the eradication of all diseases and poor health conditions. Many viruses and antibiotic resistant bacteria evolve in animals,13 which is why phase 2 of the IEP will focus on mandatory multi-species vaccinations, from goats and chickens to gorillas. When asked about the potential for increased microbe adaptation and vaccine resistance occurring as a result of such universal interventions, Anti-Choicers’ United spokesperson Iam Fullofit, issued the following statement:
“The resistance and adaptation of these microbes are not a concern, as faith in the human intelligence ensures the speed with which we adapt vaccinations will obliterate the speed of nature and microbial adaptation. Who could possibly doubt the superiority of the human intellect when pitted against nature?
While some individuals may have serious, even fatal, vaccine reactions, over time the vaccine vulnerable will be eliminated once and for all. Natural selection is just one form of selection that impacts survival. Selection through government mandates is a much more scientific approach over the primitive natural selection mechanisms, which we deem to be thoroughly antiquated in light of modern science.”
Senator Daylin Leach (D-Montgomery), sponsor of the Senate bill to remove religious and conscientious belief exemptions stated the Anti-Choice message quite clearly:14 “I don’t think someone should have the freedom to not participate in protecting public health.” But what about your right to participate in protecting your own health? What if protecting the public’s health means sacrificing your own life, or that of your child?
Anti-Choicers say parents do not have the right to put their own health or the health of their own children before the public health, and that parents who refuse to obey federal health officials do not have the right to martyr their children by using religious or conscientious belief exemptions to opt out of vaccination.
But what about the children who end up being martyred on the cross of public health? These are questions that many anti-anti-choicers still want answers to, sooner rahter than later. Although, if Anti-Choicers United has its way, such questions will soon be deemed too un-American and anti-science to even be asked.
|NOTICEThis piece is our annual April Fool’s article. Some of the details herein are true, however, and the article could be suggestive of what we might face in the near future, should we fail to take corrective action to protect and preserve vaccine exemptions, informed consent, and medical freedom of choice.|