Nervous Chinese Officials Search Pigeon Anuses for Bombs

View image on TwitterThe Verge – by Amar Toor

Officials in China this week examined the anuses of 10,000 pigeons that were set to be released today in celebration of National Day, amid government fears of a possible terrorist attack. According to reports from state-run media outlets, the birds had their feathers, legs, and anuses searched for “suspicious objects” yesterday, before being packed onto a truck and sent to Tiananmen Square in Beijing for today’s ceremony. Many reports on the probe disappeared from China’s tightly-controlled media after being published, though some articles and tweets remain online. The entire process was reportedly videotaped.  

The reports did not clarify what “suspicious objects” the inspectors were looking for, but security concerns are high following a spate of attacks that Beijing has blamed on separatist groups. The Uighurs, a Muslim minority in the western province of Xinjiang, have long sought greater autonomy from China, which has in turn stepped up its efforts to combat militants with raids and judicial crackdowns. Last week, the country jailed a Uighur advocate to life in prison for “inciting separatism.” Violence has escalated in recent months, as well. Last year, an SUV drove into a crowd and burst into flames, killing five people; in March, 29 people were killed by a group of attackers in a Beijing train station. Officials blamed both attacks on separatist groups.

A Trojan pigeon attack may sound far-fetched, but it’s not impossible, according to pigeon experts. “I have not heard of pigeons released at National Day requiring security checks, but it is possible for them to carry things such as explosives,” a representative from the pigeon fan site China Pigeon Net told the New York Times. “They could carry something on their legs, under a wing, or in their anus.”

The country is ramping up security ahead of today’s celebrations, though some critics of China’s sprawling government say the pigeon probe hits a little too close to home.

“The liberty and dignity of citizens are increasingly vulnerable, and can be expropriated at any time, like with the pigeons,” columnist Zhang Ping wrote in an editorial. “They have to go through the pains and insults of the rude anal check and yet they must appear peaceful and happy on the screen of the state broadcaster.”

9 thoughts on “Nervous Chinese Officials Search Pigeon Anuses for Bombs

  1. I’m aware of “Passenger Pigeons” but, seriously, what devious mind would think to load up a pigeon’s ass (with what?) and who is the pigeon ass checker? At first, I thought this was satire but now I know it’s just Looney Tunes! What are they going to do if the terrorists decide to use frogs? Remember, a frog’s ass is watertight!

  2. I was just wondering how much C-4 you could pack in a pigeon’s ass before he flew with his butt dragging on the ground. I mean come on, at the most you would have a brilliant display of burning feathers. kind of like a fireworks starburst only a lot of them.

  3. Hahahahaha!! Oh man, Fear this! Fear that! Fear EVERYTHING!! The sky is falling! The Sky is falling! WOLF! WOLF! WOOOOLLLLFFF!!!!

    Everyone in this world needs to hide under a rock and calm themselves the hell down now like I did after this Ebola hoax or they are all going to SNAP!

  4. although this sounds like a joke, i would take it seriously.

    we know the cia has grown millions of insects and infected them with foot&mouth etc.
    then released them over country’s like north korea to destroy cattle farming.

    is it much of a stretch that they could put plague or something up the rear of a bird so it craps on people with it?’
    with what we know of the cia, if they can think of it – they will try it!

    and dont forget they implanted a cat with an audio transmitter and trained it to sit around park benches near the russian embassy in nyc.
    that’s well known history – the cia are sick and will do anything with insects and animals if it “assists” them!

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