Introducing the Ratburger, the newest ‘affordable cuisine’ from China!

ratburgerNatural News – by Mike Adams

(Note: Everything mentioned in this story is based on actual findings of food scandals in China. While the tone is satire, the basis of this story is factually true.)

Introducing the Ratburger! If you’ve never tried the Ratburger, you’re missing out on the latest in affordable cuisine from China, home of the most trusted food on the planet.  

The Ratburger is made only of hand-picked, select cuts of rat meat, finely textured and enhanced for your enjoyment. Don’t worry: The head, feet and tails are completely removed by slave labor workers!

The Ratburger comes with a side of “rice” made largely out of plastic, meaning zero calories! Eat as much as you want, we’ll make more!

It’s served up on a sesame seed bun made, in part, from human hair from which the l-cysteine amino acid is derived. This ingredient, by the way, is used throughout the commercial bread industry as a “dough enhancer.” It is derived from human hair collected from the floors of hair salons across China, making it fashionable! You’ll also find this ingredient in the pizza dough at your favorite pizza restaurants across the USA.

The bun is adorned with black sesame seeds that have been turned black by dousing regular sesame seeds with black ink. A little ink is good for ya!

When you buy our Ratburger, you get a free Melamine Milkshake, made with extra melamine that causes permanent kidney damage! But kidney damage is cool, because you get to experience the joys of dialysis for the rest of your life, so what’s not to like?

On top of all that, every ingredient in the Ratburger is loaded with an extra dose of heavy metals poisoning, including cadmium, arsenic, lead, mercury and also aluminum as a bonus. Where else can you get this kind of value across the full table of elements? Only in the Ratburger from China!

Don’t miss the RATBURGER from China, available for a limited time only!

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11 thoughts on “Introducing the Ratburger, the newest ‘affordable cuisine’ from China!

  1. This is nothing new. Decades ago National Geographic magazine reported that canned rat meat is sold in China under the brand name “Star” (Rats spelled backwards).
    This shouldn’t surprise anyone either. I’ve always been of the opinion that the Chinese eat the planet’s garbage. Jellyfish, bottom-crawlers, grasshoppers, rats, rice and seaweed, and other stuff usually left for vultures.
    From time to time I used to eat real Chinese food (not what Americans call “Chinese food” – they don’t eat that stuff) in restaurants where the only recognizable thing on the menu were the numbers. (I’ll start with the $4.75, and for the main course I’ll have the $12.50). No utensils except sticks, and the staff and clientele spoke only Cantonese. Every meal was a gamble, and some I had to walk out on, but it was always a dish that was obviously invented out of extreme poverty. I’ve probably eaten stray cats and pigeon meat more times than I care to know.

    1. Hell Jolly Rogers, around my area we all grew up calling squirrels “tree rats” and we still do. I have heard that there is not much difference when you eat rats – at least according to what a old korean war vet told me anyway, he said that they had to eat those rats over there in korea back in the 50`s many times. It is all in preparation don`t ya know.

  2. Doesn’t surprise me. Actually it reminds me of that rat burger that Sylvestor Stallone ate in the movie, “Demolition Man”. lol

        1. Yum, reminds me of Granny off the “Beverly Hillbillies” show. She loved those possum innards ya know. Aw man #1, ya just had to bring up that possum pie didn`t ya, LOL. Geeze, now I`m thinkin` of that now buddy. 🙂

          1. True story.

            One day at work one of the guys had just finished taking a dump. It takes the bathroom at LEAST a half hour to air out (WITH the fan left on) after this particular guy is done. So one of regular truck drivers is pulling in just as he’s coming out, and the first thing he does is rush into the bathroom – bad idea. We’re out in the warehouse cracking up, knowing this poor driver’s got to be gagging in there. Then the driver (we call him Tiny, he’s about 6’10”) comes out, we’re all trying to keep straight faces, and he asks who just came out before he went in. We pointed at Keeyon. Tiny looks right at him, and says “Whatcha been eatin’, possum?”

            Needless to say, we lost it at that point. 🙂

          2. Laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

            Still laugh every time I think about it. 🙂

          3. Yep #1, in fact I am going to a good freind for the rest of the night tonight – mountain man we call him – needs some storm clean up from the snow storm we had last week – looks like a damned tornado hit us here.- I lost 10 trees just over my driveway that were up rooted.. I will have to tell him of that story. Yep #1, that is a good story,in fact I did have a dream of possum pie and innards last night LOL. Hey guys, I hope to see ya all tommorrow. 🙂

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