Blond Jokes

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes  were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when  they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and  turned around and went home.

 

CAR  TROUBLE

A blonde  pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  

She says,  ‘What’s the story?’

He replies,  ‘Just crap in the carburetor’

She asks,  ‘How often do I have to do that?’

SPEEDING  TICKET

A police  officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he  could see her license.

She replied  in a huff,  ‘I wish you  guys would get your act together.

Just  yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to  show it to you!’

 

AT  THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE

A gorgeous  young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body  hurt wherever she touched it.

‘Impossible!’  says the doctor.. ‘Show me.’

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she  pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and  screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor  said, ‘You’re not really a redhead, are you?

‘Well, no’  she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’

‘I thought  so,’ the doctor said, ‘Your finger is  broken.’

 

KNITTING

A highway  patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing  at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel  was knitting!

Realizing  that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper  cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL  OVER!’

‘NO!’ the  blonde yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’

BLONDE  ON THE SUN

A Russian,  an American, and a Blonde were  talking one day.

The Russian  said, ‘We were the first in space!’

The  American said, ‘We were the first on the  moon!’

The Blonde  said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the  sun!’ The Russian  and the American looked at each other and shook their  heads.

‘You can’t  land on the sun, you idiot!

You’ll burn  up!’ said the Russian.

To which  the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at  night!’

 

IN  A VACUUM

A blonde  was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her  turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.  Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your  name, can you hear it?’

She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is  it on or off?’

 

FINALLY,  THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was  visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked  her what their names were.

The blonde  responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named  Timex.

Her friend  said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’   ‘HELLLOOOOO. . . ,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re watch  dogs’!