Sarah Palin made her first campaign appearance with Donald Trump on Tuesday, and it featured all of the authentic frontier gibberish we’ve come to expect from the half-term governor and professional grifter.
Let’s dive into Shrieky McJutty’s official endorsement of the GOP frontrunner, shall we?
“Mr. Trump! You’re right! Back there in the press box, heads are spinnin’. Media heads are spinnin’.”
Nah. It’s not that big a deal other than the fact that Sarah Palin single-handedly managed to make Trump’s campaign even less serious than it already was. Put another way, Trump already acts like he’s in the throes of dementia, and Palin’s endorsement is like Trump getting bonked over his bewigged head with a cartoon-sized mallet. It’s like a Twitter troll suddenly being defended in a flame war by the Twitter troll’s drunken babysitter. Palin simply doesn’t realize that everyone outside the GOP bubble watches her because she’s stupid and says stupid things — not because she’s any sort of political threat. Obviously.
I was told, you know, warned left and right, you are gonna just get so clobbered in the press. You are just gonna get beat up. Chewed up n’ spit out. N’ you know, I’m thinkin’… And?
Again, she’s going to get clobbered because she has no business on a national stage discussing serious political matters. Why? Not just because she speaks as if she used Google Translate to transform her remarks into German, then translated from German back into what can only be described as horribly fragmented English, but chiefly because her speeches are mainly about her — how she always goes rogue and how the “lamestream media” hates her.
To wit:
“When I was on stage nominated for veepee, and I got to say, [in creepy whisper voice] Yeeaaah… I’ll go… Send me… You betcha… I’ll serve…”
Yes, she has a stellar record of serving — for part of her term, then quitting. And then when the McCain campaign tried to get her to stay on message, she “went rogue” and helped to doom her ticket. Good job.
And now, I challenge you to sentence-diagram the following passage. Warning: it gets particularly gibberishy by the end.
I’m in it because just last week, we’re watchin’ our sailors suffer and be humiliated on a world stage, at the hands of Iranian captors in violation of international law because a weak-kneed capitulator-in-chief has decided that America will lead from behind. And he who would negotiate dills [sic] uh kinda’ like with the skills of a… community organizer maybe organizing a… neighborhood tea. Well, he deciding that no, America would apologize and, uh, as part of the dill [sic] as the enemy sends a message to the rest of the world that they capture and we kowtow and we apologize and then we bend over and say ‘thank you, enemy?’
The sailors were hastily released unharmed. If Trump were president, the sailors would be dead because we’d already be at war with Iran. If Palin were president, the sailors would be dead and we’d be at war with the Hamburglar.
“[Trump] is beholden to no one but We The People.”
This is Trump she’s talking about? Trump. Who’s all about Trump, and who puts the name “Trump” on everything he touches? That Trump? Is beholden to the people? That’s rich.
“No more pussyfootin’ around. Our troops deserve the best, you deserve the best.”
Pussyfootin’?
“He is from the private sector, not a politician. Can I get a ‘hallelujuah!’ Where in the private sector where you actually have to balance budgets in order to prioritize to keep the main thing the main thing. And he knows the main thing.”
Hallelujah? Did that just happen at a Trump rally? Jesus. Also, no, balancing budgets isn’t about keeping the main thing the main thing, whatever the fuck that means. Oh, and yes, Trump is a politician. If one runs for president, one is a politician by default. Sorry.
“And then funny. Haha. Not. Funny. But now what they’re doing is wailing, ‘Trump and, uh, uh, his trumpeters, well they’re not conservative enough.’ Oh my goodness gracious, what would the establishment know about conservatism?”
It’s at this point when Jay P. Morgan, Jamie Farr and Rip Taylor would simultaneously gong her off the stage.
How about the rest of us? Right-wingin’, bitter clingin’ proud clingers of our guns, our God, our religion, and our Constitution.
How is it possible to be both resentful of Obama’s “clinging” remarks, while also being proud of it? It can’t be both. By the way, “bitter clingin’ proud clingers” is my new favorite Palinism, right up there with the time when she said the role of the vice president is “position flexible.”
All told, this is an odd alliance Trump has formed here. Palin’s favorability rating among Republicans hovers at around 27 percent. Again, among Republicans. I’m not sure how this helps Trump, other than to further purge any remaining support he enjoys among serious Republicans. I’m not sure that standing side-by-side with this bitter clingin’ proud clinger is a smart move. But it’s absolutely the funniest thing that’s happened to Trump’s campaign since he did this.
Nice to look at, BUT, NUTTY AS A FRUITCAKE…
Trump let’s Palin comb His hair.
I think she wants to be his VP.
Or maybe a nice cabinet position.
She’s starting to get that puffy Mickey Rourke plastic surgery look.
Please God make her go away.
I am sooooo sick of Trump, Clinton and all the rest. NOW it is Caribou Barbie, can it get any worst???