Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
******
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK..? (then it’s you!)
~
REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like…well……night!!!!
“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, toothpicks?”
Surprisingly, they use small spoons.
“Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?”
I’ve always wondered that myself.
“What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?”
Speaking from someone who is currently bald, they just go with the color of hair that you had BEFORE you went bald.
“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”
Good point.
“Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?”
I find this funny because I had just bought a mattress last week and found that every store had a sale and basically they always do. LOL Strange.
I just thought of my 3 closest friends……… UH OH!
Great Friday funny!! Thanks!
this is George Carlin’s material with a picture of Maxine at the top.
its still good.
Hey Bulldog. no corn eh? that sucks. your gonna get sick of peppers etc.
Nearly EVERYONE I know is insane, so I guess – sadly – I’m sane.
I have a painter buddy I use, a Mexican guy. He’s been here about 8 years (yes, legally). He KNOWS 9/11 and all this stuff is an inside job, and he says to me when we discuss this;
“You either crazy – or the ONLY White guy I know who gets it”
“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”
I was wondering why they didn’t shoot Superman in the head, especially if the person is shooting an automatic machine gun?
“The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK..? (then it’s you!)”
Consider the fact that a person can be diagnosed as “insane” — but a person cannot be diagnosed as “sane”. Sanity is a fine line of reasoning, in which an insane person does not question their actions, while a sane person will evaluate/question their actions. However, when I see all the insane things people do at work, it sometimes makes me wonder if insanity is the new norm, and that I’m abnormal. I look at the self-diagnosis of sanity the same way I evaluate whether or not I have Alzheimer’s Disease… if I can remember the word Alzheimer’s then I don’t have it (yet). 😉
Why do banks have braille instructions on their drive-through terminals?
If something horrible can be “horrific”, why can’t something terrible be “terrific”?
You can horrify, or terrify, but terrific becomes something positive, and horrific remains horrible.
If “Pro” is the opposite of “Con”, then shouldn’t the opposite of “Progress” be “Congress”?
HA! I was expecting a more serious article… what a pleasant surprise! Thank you, Paul!
I always assumed that bald peoples’ ID went with whatever color they had previously, although it may make more sense to list ‘bald’ or in mine and many other’s case it should be ‘grey’. Another related item is eye color: mine are allegedly ‘blue’, but they turn ‘green’ at times.